Movies with kids

I just got back from seeing "Man of Steel" sans kids. It was nice to be able to watch the movie without having to pass the popcorn, avoid eating Mollie's popcorn (she doesn't share) and all the other distractions. With that said, here is my advice to all other parents out there thinking about taking there kids to a grown up movie like Man of Steel. DON'T DO IT!

I'm not saying that Man of Steel has any questionable material that kids won't understand. Quite the opposite. There is no vulgarity, no sensuality (only one Kiss, sorry if I ruined the movie) and a whole bunch of good old fashioned good guy vs bad guy fun. It's a great movie, just don't bring your kids, right now. Here's why.

You will ruin the movie for other people. Right now I am in Arkansas for work and I am not sure why but everyone had their cell phones on during the movie. This one girl ahead of us had her phone in her cup holder and kept checking it the whole time. Three ringers went off, during the movie, I kept hearing that text beep all over the place, and a dude even took a picture of his kids during the movie.
And speaking of kids, again, if they can't sit still and quiet with asking minimal questions during a two hour time limit, take them to a show that other adults really don't care to see (like Space Monkeys or something like that).

Again in the theater, there were two girls who would not SHUT UP, around three or four. They kept laughing and talking and swishing their hair back and forth. This would normally be contained by parents, if they were sitting with them. Yep, the parents were sitting in another part of the auditorium and the usher spent about fifteen minutes trying to locate said parents to get them to shut their kids up.

Here's what we do, normally. We wait until the movie is a few months old, sometimes it's even in the dollar theater, sometimes its in the dollar store. Basically Kara and I don't watch movies that we want to watch with the kids. If we get to watch a movie, it's because Grandma has offered to watch the kids and we have snuck out before they have noticed. This basically never happened before we moved, because we would normally have to shell out cash to a babysitter, where at $3 a kid, that's $9 an hour for our babysitter. For dinner and a movie that's close to $40 for a babysitter. Are we overpaying? Probably. Is it worth it? Seriously, $40 for four hours of uninterrupted conversation with my wife? I'd pay that even if we weren't going to a movie. I'd pay that just to go in the other room and sleep for four hours uninterrupted.

On the seldom opportunity that we do bring the kids to a movie, here's how it usually goes down.

We arrive, purchase the tickets at a screaming deal because A: The movie is stupid and no one wants to see it so it's in the dollar theater, B: It's a matinee (we don't take our children out at night. If you've seen the movie Gremlins you understand, or C: It's a great movie and it came out three years ago.

This discount is then negated by the purchase of Candy. Seriously, you could individually wrap the pieces in dollar bills and it would be cheaper than what we pay. And of course popcorn. Popcorn generally runs a minimum of $5, which will get you a sno-cone sized bag. BUT, for $8 more, you can upgrade to a medium, and then it's only like .25 to get a Large, so we order that, and split it among the kids. Mollie of course gets her own bag, sits on my lap, and I am not allowed to have any of hers. If she  sees my hand going toward it, she slaps it away, waves her little grease covered finger at me and says "No no daddy."

If it's a semi-entertaining flick, the kids will sit through it alright, with Lukas needing to go Potty sometime during a crucial part (where like a Pony is about to find out where rainbows come from, something real important) so I miss that. I used to get annoyed at that, but then I found out tonight, oh yeah it happens to me too. During a crucial part in Man of Steel I could not hold it off any longer and I had to go. No drinks for me until I'm 80 and can tactfully wear depends to Movies. Until then, I'm stuck with missing out.

If the movie sucks (which means that Kara and I probably like it, but the kids hate it) the kids (Mollie) will start melting down mid-movie and one of us has to take said child out to run around, or to take a nap in the car. Why they can't nap during the movie is beyond me. I do it all the time during Yo Gabba Gabba. Kara missed half of BRAVE because of Mollie (and Me, because I didn't take her out and it was my turn).

Just avoid the whole situation. This applies to pretty much every activity out there. So be a good neighbor, and don't take your kids to anything where other people are also attending. Just stay inside.