On a lighter note

My wife pointed out to me yesterday that a lot of my posts recently have not been very uplifting, and more along the glass is half empty type of tone. So I think I just might have to change that. Yes, it's been difficult starting this new phase of our lives, and it's come with a lot of challenges, but there have also been some really great things happening.

For Example:

1. My kids are much closer to each other. This is probably due to the reduction in living space. When you don't have as much room to play, you tend to run into each other more.

2. Less Stuff. Some people would call this a negative, but it's really a positive. We've learned that we really don't need that much stuff, especially me. When we first were packing we got rid of a ton of stuff, and since we have moved we have realized that we need even less. I've gone through our closets twice since we first moved here and "reduced" as much as I can. And as far as toys go, if the kids don't see them, they don't realize that they miss them (unless it's a favorite toy.

3. Fewer Ties. Not like family ties, I'm talking actual, physical neck ties. Not that I really ever wore them before, but as I have progressed in my career, I have had to don fewer and fewer ties. When I was working at JayLynn Studios, a tie was required. Now at work I tend to dress more like this guy.

No tie thank you very much.

Of course if I do get a teaching job this all might change.

4. I get to talk to my kids. We all know what it's like to come home from work and be so completely exhausted and just spent that you don't have the energy to do anything. Since I am around so much more the kids really tend to open up to me and we get to have some real good heart to heart talks. I got a chance to talk to Nikki a lot about Heavenly Father, Baptism, Boys (yes those conversations have started, but luckily it's mostly about how gross they are). Lukas cuddles with me more, and Mollie comes to me for comfort. Like while I was writing this, Mollie stepped right over Kara (and on her hair) to come and sit on my lap. Love that.

5. Kara and I understand each other better. This is probably one of the best things. Kara understands how nice it is to come home to a clean house, folded laundry, and a hot meal (this has happened maybe once, but she has gotten a taste of it) and I understand all those times when I would come home and the house would look like a bomb went off, but the kids are happy (this is the norm for me when I'm home). I think that we are just developing a better respect for the work that we have done for each other in the past. 

Romantic Bed and Breakfast stay RUINED!

So, from my last post, you can tell that I didn't do too well for Kara's birthday. But that's because I had everything planned for today. I had a babysitter set-up to watch the kids, and I had reservations at Johnson Mill Bed and Breakfast in Heber (www.johnsonmill.com trust me you won't be disappointed). We have been so excited to go, just Kara and I. We were even going to do some cycling up there.

This morning I woke up at 6 am and went running (which means the alarm went off at six and I got out of bed at 6:20) and for the first time in like 4 months, no pain in my ankle. Yay. Good thing, I have a triathlon in a little over a month. I came home, showered and logged on to teach my class. For some strange reason, the student who I am doing a directed study did not log in, wasn't communicating or something, so I just sent her a message that said we were going to do it another time.

We then let the kids go outside to play while Kara and I cleaned the car before heading up to Johnson Mill. The kids were happy, Mollie ran around with her new bubble lawn mower, life was good. Soon it was time to go. Bags were packed, Bikes on the rack, kids in their chairs. We make a quick stop at the Library to drop off some books and then to SmashBurger for some lunch. Here's where it sucks (not smashburger, Smashburger is delicious).

As I am chomping down on a delicious mushroom swiss burger, I hear from the back seat a cough, and then another, and then that sound that precludes the action of involuntary stomach contractions.

Lukas threw up.

But just a little.

Luckily we got a bag under his chin just in time. Kara read the warning signs like a pro, and instinctively grabbed the Smashburger bag, ejected the contents (Luckily the fries were safe in a cup holder, and my burger was in my hand), and caught the vomit. Shortly afterwards Lukas tells us that he's not sick anymore, so Kara and I agree that he probably just gagged on some of his food. Sounds reasonable enough. We call Grandma anyway to see if she is OK watching a possibly sick Lukas. She gives us the go ahead and we head up to Salt Lake.

We got to American Fork.

Different sound this time. This one sounded like your garbage disposal when it's clogged and trying to chop up everything in it. Kara missed it this time, because it was coming from Mollie. Yes we had two vomitous children, and one having a panic attack because she's sitting in between two puking kids. I don't know who was worse, Nikki or the sick kids. She kept freaking out that she was going to get sick. We let her out of the back seat while we cleaned up Mollie, stripped her down to a diaper, sopped up all the puke from the back seat, and reinserted her in her car seat. Mollie looks at me and says "My Bellybutton hurts". I guess that's a pretty accurate description.

We then head for home.

Does anyone know what a Percoset is? It's a pain killer but it also calms you down really quick. I think Nikki needed one because she was absolutely hysterical (like crazy). Between her worrying about being thrown up on and the disappointment of not going to Grandma's house she was a mess. Every time Mollie made a sound, Nikki took it as a cue that she was going to throw up, and instead of putting a bag in front of her, she just threw a blanket over her head. At one point she asked if we could pull over so she could walk home. "I know the way from here, just let me out and I'll walk!" So I did.

Oh jeesh, I'm just kidding. What kind of a father do you think I am. So we arrive home and just as we are pulling in to our complex Mollie unleashes again and covers herself in sick. It's now Laundry and Bath time. And it's not going to be one of those relaxing baths where the kids get to play. No this is a bath where there are active bogies (floaties) and chunks of stuff. Tub is filled three times. Twice for Mollie and once for Lukas (Lukas didn't get hardly any on him)

This sucks, and I know it sucks because I'm sitting here watching My Little Ponies with three sick kids instead of going off to rest and relaxation at Johnson Mill. Tonight was supposed to be a night of romance, reconnection, and NO KIDS. Now I'm holding a bucket for my kids (oh, by the way, Nikki now says she is feeling sick too.)

Kara's Birthday

Today was Kara's Birthday, and I think I blew it. No I didn't forget completely, I made the mistake of trying to set something up for the week after, telling her about it, and still trying to do something today. So it was like I did half of her birthday today, and the other half is next week. And she has a migraine.

A migraine probably caused by me. So here is how the day went. We woke up at 7:50 am (that's early for us nowadays, needs to change) and I scarf down some cereal before I have to teach my online class at 8:00 am (why did I set the time for that). So due to some bad planning, my wife had to wake up early on her birthday, feed all the kids, do the dishes, etc. I come out during the class break and she is doing laundry. I felt so bad. Good thing I bought her a gift to somehow make it up to her.

So I have to go back in to teach and I finish around 11:30 am. I come out of the bedroom, and see that Kara and the kids are outside. The sink is full of dishes and the clothes need to be put away. If I were a good husband (and I know this looking back) I would have hurried up and finished the dishes, put the clothes away, cooked dinner, and booked a hotel for the night, leaving the kids to fend for themselves (I would not have done that, please don't call DCFS). Instead I just go outside and find my wife (who at this time is starting to get a migraine but does not say anything because she is tough like that). I ask her if she wants her present, she says yes. I bring the kids inside and nearly have to threaten Nikki with her life to get her to come in from playing with friends. She says it is "Totally Unfair" and I have to remind her that today is Mommy's birthday. She then asks if I got her a present too. I have failed as a father.

Kara opens her present which is a set of jewelry that she has been eyeing for some time. I think I did good, not quite sure yet. Nikki then asks again if I got anything for her. Nikki is sent to her room. Lukas then asks what I got for him. He just did it because Nikki was doing it.

Lunch Time.

We don't really want to make lunch, and it's Kara's birthday, so we cut up the cake and eat it then, after singing Happy Birthday (with no candles). Cake was good, but then we decide to head up to Park City for the day to do some shopping (some battery acid got on Kara's nice pants.... yeah that was my fault too) so she needs some new ones.

We pack the kids in the car and Nikki throws another fit saying that we are unfair. We have to have a little sit down talk with her and talk about how when she grows up she is going to want to be friends with her family and that if she is mean to her family now (family meaning her brothers and sisters) they aren't going to want to be friends with her later. I hope she got the point, and she even offered to spend half the day with friends and the other half with family. Its a step.

We head up to Park City, and Kara shops. The only thing though is that she tends to shop for everyone but herself, and I being stupid, let her. I do manage not to wander into Nike, Pearl Izumi, or any store that I am interested in, but somehow she managed to buy me something. She found two pairs of pants that were normally $159 marked down to $6. And where did we find them? Vans? No, Banana Republic? No. Down East Outfitters, yes, the girl clothing store, in the one area that they actually sell mens stuff. I must admit they look pretty nice, but I tried some on that did not leave much to the imagination. Kara liked them, but it seems like Men's fashions are getting more form fitting and uncomfortable. Whatever happened to wide leg jeans and T-shirts? That was comfortable.

WHY WON'T YOU EAT YOUR FOOD?

I wonder how Lukas survives. The child refuses to eat anything and everything we put on the table for dinner. It doesn't matter what it is, he will shun it. We have pizza, he shuns it, Mac and Cheese, he shuns it. The weird thing is, it's just if it's dinner. He eats it if it's for lunch. Seriously, I can get him to eat all kinds of goodness for lunch, but dinner it's a completely different story.

"Lukas time for dinner."

"What's for dinner dad?"

"Gummie Bears, Chocolate Milk, and a bowl of sugar."

"Blah, I hate that. That's yucky."

Seriously, what kid can't polish off their own bowl of sugar. I mean Mollie tries to do it every time we have anything with powdered sugar. Pancakes, Crepes, Waffles, Steak.  Seriously, the kids an addict.
Lukas on the other hand won't touch anything if it is for dinner.

When I was a kid I remember (not too fondly) a night when I didn't want to eat my green beans. To a kid, green beans are liking eating ...... something really gross. Like.... cooked carrots (it's the one thing as an adult I still have not been able to learn to like that I really should like. If it were wrapped in bacon, or dipped in Nutella or Ranch dressing, I'd probably eat it). Anyway, back to the story. I held my ground and didn't eat them, and my mother held her ground and didn't let me leave the table until I had eaten them. The rest of the family finished dinner and were excused, and I was alone. They soon returned though, to do the dishes (I was too young for dishes at that time) and everything was cleaned up, except my green beans. The hour struck 9 and I had already missed all the important TV shows on that night (The Disney Sunday Movie).

I came up with a plan. I would stuff all the beans in my mouth and hold them in my cheeks. I would ask to go to the bathroom, and while in the bathroom, spit them out into the toilet. This seemed like a brilliant idea at the time, and just got better and better. I also had really chubby cheeks so I could fit a lot in there. Looking back on it, I was pretty stupid though. Stuffing them in my mouth and holding them there, only left the green bean taste in my mouth last longer. Swallowing the stuff wasn't as bad because there aren't any tastebuds in your stomach. I also think my mom was on to me, but didn't say anything as I asked to be excused. I think she was just impressed that a six year old had come up with a prison technique for smuggling. I was destined for great things in life, let me tell you.

So with that experience, we employed the same tactic to our son Lukas. He couldn't leave the table until he had eaten, well, something. He stuck it out for a good long hour (We were having Tuscan cheese pasta that night, so it wasn't even a gross food.) We had to get a little more severe. So we started confiscating toys. First it was a bouncy ball, then spiderman, then his will to live... his Legos. Tears were shed, but I got over it quick. Lukas on the other hand held firm. Finally, bedtime was threatened. Lukas hates going to bed first, or alone for that matter. This kid doesn't eat or sleep, I don't get how he functions.

So I took him into his room to change his clothes to jammies. At this point he gave up. I was shocked, because he had actually took it to the point of being in bed before conceding. He came out, in jammies, sat on his stool, and allowed me to spoon feed him some pasta. He then exclaimed "I Like It!" Really? Seriously, it's cold pasta now. maybe he was just waiting for the right temperature. Maybe he doesn't like meals hot when they are supposed to be. In that case, he is going to love being a parent, because that happens all the time.

Lukas continued eating, of course I was spoon feeding him, and he kept chanting "I liked it, and so I tried it." a line from Yo-Gabba-Gabba's Broby. It's a little off but it works. He then began singing "There's a party in my tummy, so yummy, so yummy." Thank you DJ Lance for inspiring my kids to eat.

Movies with kids

I just got back from seeing "Man of Steel" sans kids. It was nice to be able to watch the movie without having to pass the popcorn, avoid eating Mollie's popcorn (she doesn't share) and all the other distractions. With that said, here is my advice to all other parents out there thinking about taking there kids to a grown up movie like Man of Steel. DON'T DO IT!

I'm not saying that Man of Steel has any questionable material that kids won't understand. Quite the opposite. There is no vulgarity, no sensuality (only one Kiss, sorry if I ruined the movie) and a whole bunch of good old fashioned good guy vs bad guy fun. It's a great movie, just don't bring your kids, right now. Here's why.

You will ruin the movie for other people. Right now I am in Arkansas for work and I am not sure why but everyone had their cell phones on during the movie. This one girl ahead of us had her phone in her cup holder and kept checking it the whole time. Three ringers went off, during the movie, I kept hearing that text beep all over the place, and a dude even took a picture of his kids during the movie.
And speaking of kids, again, if they can't sit still and quiet with asking minimal questions during a two hour time limit, take them to a show that other adults really don't care to see (like Space Monkeys or something like that).

Again in the theater, there were two girls who would not SHUT UP, around three or four. They kept laughing and talking and swishing their hair back and forth. This would normally be contained by parents, if they were sitting with them. Yep, the parents were sitting in another part of the auditorium and the usher spent about fifteen minutes trying to locate said parents to get them to shut their kids up.

Here's what we do, normally. We wait until the movie is a few months old, sometimes it's even in the dollar theater, sometimes its in the dollar store. Basically Kara and I don't watch movies that we want to watch with the kids. If we get to watch a movie, it's because Grandma has offered to watch the kids and we have snuck out before they have noticed. This basically never happened before we moved, because we would normally have to shell out cash to a babysitter, where at $3 a kid, that's $9 an hour for our babysitter. For dinner and a movie that's close to $40 for a babysitter. Are we overpaying? Probably. Is it worth it? Seriously, $40 for four hours of uninterrupted conversation with my wife? I'd pay that even if we weren't going to a movie. I'd pay that just to go in the other room and sleep for four hours uninterrupted.

On the seldom opportunity that we do bring the kids to a movie, here's how it usually goes down.

We arrive, purchase the tickets at a screaming deal because A: The movie is stupid and no one wants to see it so it's in the dollar theater, B: It's a matinee (we don't take our children out at night. If you've seen the movie Gremlins you understand, or C: It's a great movie and it came out three years ago.

This discount is then negated by the purchase of Candy. Seriously, you could individually wrap the pieces in dollar bills and it would be cheaper than what we pay. And of course popcorn. Popcorn generally runs a minimum of $5, which will get you a sno-cone sized bag. BUT, for $8 more, you can upgrade to a medium, and then it's only like .25 to get a Large, so we order that, and split it among the kids. Mollie of course gets her own bag, sits on my lap, and I am not allowed to have any of hers. If she  sees my hand going toward it, she slaps it away, waves her little grease covered finger at me and says "No no daddy."

If it's a semi-entertaining flick, the kids will sit through it alright, with Lukas needing to go Potty sometime during a crucial part (where like a Pony is about to find out where rainbows come from, something real important) so I miss that. I used to get annoyed at that, but then I found out tonight, oh yeah it happens to me too. During a crucial part in Man of Steel I could not hold it off any longer and I had to go. No drinks for me until I'm 80 and can tactfully wear depends to Movies. Until then, I'm stuck with missing out.

If the movie sucks (which means that Kara and I probably like it, but the kids hate it) the kids (Mollie) will start melting down mid-movie and one of us has to take said child out to run around, or to take a nap in the car. Why they can't nap during the movie is beyond me. I do it all the time during Yo Gabba Gabba. Kara missed half of BRAVE because of Mollie (and Me, because I didn't take her out and it was my turn).

Just avoid the whole situation. This applies to pretty much every activity out there. So be a good neighbor, and don't take your kids to anything where other people are also attending. Just stay inside.

Gummie Bears

My reasons for writing have changed in the last week. I used to write to remember these times fondly and to keep a detailed journal of our time spent. Now I do it mainly to vent. It's a good way to help me cope because whenever the children do something absolutely horrendous, instead of killing them, I just remind myself (this is going to make a hilarious blog post).

So with that in mind, the time out chair has been used an inordinately number of times today. Mollie has been in it twice, Lukas has been in it, and I would love to have a turn. 

We're dealing with some stupid crap about our rental house in Taylorsville as well. Our renter decided to run over all the sprinklers with the lawn mower (the ones that are above ground on the perimiter). So our property manager, after I asked him to get a quote for how much it is going to be, sent in someone to just fix it all, and now I have some landscaping company calling me with a $300 bill, for seven sprinkler heads.

There's that rant. The kids today for some strange reason have been driving me CRAZY! Maybe it's just the build up to Kara being done with the semester, or maybe they are just more insane today than normal. Here's what's happened.

Mollie: Need I say more. The other day Kara bought a JUMBO bag of gummie bears (from Costco I am assuming) and Lukas and his little friend wanted some. They were outside playing, so I got them each a little bowl of them and out they went. Soon Nikki was there with the neighborhood, and so they each got a handful (Still plenty to go around). Then of course, Mollie wanted some. So I got her a little cup of gummie bears and put them back on the counter. I needed to shower. As I am walking to the bathroom I catch Mollie on a stool with her fist in the gummie bear bag. I stop her, and move the gummie bears to a higher shelf. I turn on a show for her on the iPad and head off to shower. 

Leaving her alone was my first mistake. As soon as I am out of the shower I find the iPad abandoned, and Mollie with a makeshift ladder with her fist in the gummie bear bag. She sees me, panics, and begins shoving as many gummie bears as she can into her mouth. 

Nikki has been good.... Today.

Lukas had his little friend over, and basically turned our living room into a toy war zone, which was ok.  

Lunch time. One of our neighbors owed Kara some type of Costco debt so she offered to have Nikki over for Lunch. She even picked up a pizza for us. I offered to pay, but then she brought up the fact that she owed Kara "the costco debt". When I offered to pay, I think she said something like "forgetaboutit". These costco debts are serious.

Mollie during Lunch, I had to stop her several times from feeding her little doll pizza and milk.

Lukas actually ate some food. True it was only like 1/8 of a piece of pizza, but still, more than he usually eats.

The remains of Lunch. The kids together didn't even eat a whole piece. I on the other hand had about 4 pieces.

PS. After I wrote this Mollie got put into the time out chair again.

What to do with Mollie.

Today was one of those days where I felt like I didn't get anything done, but I really did, but it still doesn't make me feel good. I don't know if anyone else has experienced that, but I have, I just did, and I  am still awake from all the Mountain Dew I drank from my drive home from Logan to Provo (had to teach tonight) that I can't sleep. I'm still tired, but awake, so if this gets a little crazy or if I confess to something I shouldn't, don't tell anyone OK.

So this morning was the beginning of the whole issue. Dishes weren't done (from yesterday) Kara was off at school getting edumacated, and all the kids wanted to go outside, Mollie especially. The house needed to be cleaned, Nikki was semi-grounded from outside for playing pranks on her friends, and Lukas was being a little whiney (and when Lukas is whiney, it's like he went back a year and forgot how to do everything, like picking up a cup, going to the bathroom, walking.)

My goal today (this is how I determine if I accomplished anything, is I set goals) was to clean Lukas and Mollie's room. It has fallen into some disrepair as of late, meaning that it was pretty much a disaster. Toys everywhere, clothes on the floor, thankfully no used diapers anywhere (that's one thing I cannot stand) so we began the task. The only problem, Mollie. Well, let's just say, that she likes to "help". Helping for Mollie is a lot like the law of entropy (I learned about this back when I wanted to be a dentist). The law of entropy states that everything is in a constant state of decay, meaning that everything is falling apart, some more slowly than others. Mollie is the catalyst (speeder upper) of the law of entropy. I fold some laundry, she "helps" put it away by grabbing one corner, dragging it to a room (doesn't necessarily have to be the right one) and tossing it in.

I had to do something with Mollie. So I put her in her crib (yes she is still in her crib, and she will stay in her crib until she learns how to escape). In order to make her not scream, I also gave her the iPad. This quieted her down quite quickly. Eventually I got done with Mollie and Lukas's room and moved on to another task, when I realized that the house was quiet... Too quiet. I knew all the kids were in the house because the chain was still on the door, but where were they. Now if you know anything about two years olds, quiet is the most dangerous sound you can hear. But Mollie was in her crib, what could she be into. Then I saw this scene.

Seriously, I couldn't be mad, with the exception that I did think that they might break the crib. 

And just for your viewing pleasure, this is the sky last night while I was driving home from work in Logan.

Hunger has forced us out!

I've been avoiding grocery shopping, mainly because I am afraid of raw ingredients. You see my wife has a gift that she can just hear ingredients and taste the combinations in her mouth, without even tasting it. I know, perfect diet plan.

I don't have that gift. You could tell me that we are having creme Brule' topped with strawberries and chocolate, stuffed inside a turkey, and wrapped in bacon, I will be able to visualize the bacon, but nothing else. I do like food though. When I have tasted it, then I can remember if I liked it or not.

Today I had to put my talentless tongue to the test. I had to make dinner. Like I said, I have been avoiding grocery shopping but hunger finally drove us out. The last box of Mac and Cheese had been eaten and after I had a hardy meal of top ramen with scrambled eggs and soy sauce (don't mock it, it's good) the only thing left in our fridge was frozen broccoli, left over meatloaf, half a gallon of milk, and several heels of bread. Not much to go on.

So I did what I have seen my wife do multiple times. I went to the internet for a recipe, and I started browsing with words like "Too hard, Kids won't eat it, Not sure what that is" going through my head. I wanted to find something that you just had to put al the stuff into a bowl/cooker thing and put it in the oven. Most recipes asked me to sear things, or braise, or julieandrews stuff.

I so wish Bob Ross had made a cooking show. It would have been so simple and I would have felt like I too could make a happy little potato, or a giggling chicken cordon Bleu. Instead I have recipes and cooking shows that I don't want to watch, because I really don't like cooking shows. But I would watch Joy of Cooking with Bob Ross.

So I found a recipe that fit my criteria. It was easy (said ten minutes of prep, I took about 25....with the help of my wife). Then you just put it in the oven. We needed some ingredients though. So we headed off to Maceys where I hunted down the ingredients. I must say that it took me less time than I thought it would. We made it back to the house before dinner was supposed to be served.

One time when I was a kid my mom sent me, my brother Peter and my sister Stephanie to the store to get some whipping cream, or something. Stephanie dropped Peter and I off and just waited in the car for us to come out. 1.5 hours later we emerged, without whipping cream. We got sidetracked and started looking at model airplanes (Star Trek battleships) and then took about 5 minutes to locate whipping cream, which we couldn't. Apparently Stephanie had come looking for us several times, gone home thinking we might have walked, and come back. I guess the PA announcement helped us get back on track.

So you can see my hesitancy of wanting to go grocery shopping. Right now the food is cooking and I am awaiting the outcome. So far it doesn't smell rancid, but actually smells pretty good.

Here is the recipe I used and a link to the website I got it from.

Ingredients

• 6 tablespoons olive oil
• 2 lemons, 1 thinly sliced, 1 juiced
• 4 cloves garlic, minced
• 1 teaspoon kosher salt
• 1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
• 3/4 pound trimmed green beans
• 8 small red potatoes, quartered
• 4 chicken breasts (bones left in, with skin, about 3 1/4 pounds)

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 450°F. Coat a large baking dish or cast-iron skillet with 1 tablespoon of the olive oil. Arrange the lemon slices in a single layer in the bottom of the dish or skillet.
2. In a large bowl, combine the remaining oil, lemon juice, garlic, salt, and pepper; add the green beans and toss to coat. Using a slotted spoon or tongs, remove the green beans and arrange them on top of the lemon slices. Add the potatoes to the same olive-oil mixture and toss to coat. Using a slotted spoon or tongs, arrange the potatoes along the inside edge of the dish or skillet on top of the green beans. Place the chicken in the same bowl with the olive-oil mixture and coat thoroughly. Place the chicken, skin-side up, in the dish or skillet. Pour any of the remaining olive-oil mixture over the chicken.
3. Roast for 50 minutes. Remove the chicken from the dish or skillet. Place the beans and potatoes back in oven for 10 minutes more or until the potatoes are tender. Place a chicken breast on each of 4 serving plates; divide the green beans and potatoes equally. Serve warm.

http://www.realsimple.com/food-recipes/browse-all-recipes/pan-roasted-chicken-lemon-garlic-green-beans-10000000780291/index.html

This is what mine looked like before I put it in the oven.  Let's hope mine looks as good as it does on the website. Actually, who cares what it looks like, as long as it tastes good.
Actually who cares if it tastes good as long as the kids eat it, or something.

This is how the final dish turned out. There is chicken, potatoes, green beans and other stuff. It was good and Kara said that I should make it again. So it probably wasn't a complete bomb.

The Panic Room (bathroom)

Every so once in a while I need to escape, and that escape means a small 3 foot by 4 foot room known as the bathroom. I don't just abandon the children and head in there, I generally turn on a show and put away all sharp objects, and things that Mollie can get into (which is everything).

I have read some blogs where Moms escape into the bathroom and just sit there, and cry. I haven't cried... yet. It's not winter time so you never know.

Have you ever seen the show Panic Room? In this movie Jodie Foster's home is invaded by burglars who want to steal something in the panic room. The only problem is that Jodie Foster is in the panic room with her daughter who happens to be diabetic. She is constantly trying to keep people out of the panic room, but worried about stuff happening outside of the panic room. That's what bathroom time is like for me.

Today while using the panic room, Mollie was showing me her new lego creations by pushing them under the door, while I am just trying to get updates on the NBA playoffs (iPad).

Lukas generally leaves me alone.

Nikki is always asking me when I'm coming out. NEVER is what I tell her. Today was weird though. Here I am, getting ready for the day in the panic room, the door is closed, and I hear someone ask when I will be done. I start to respond, then think for a minute, "Who is this?"

It's Nikki's friend. What are you doing in my house? Why are you invading my panic room? My sanctuary? I generally like to know when a foreign entity enters my home.

A few weeks ago I was coming out of the shower and there's a knock at the door. I'm standing there in a towel, but Lukas runs and opens up the door and invites the person in. I have to run and stop the door from opening all the way and peek my head around the door. A very surprised BYU maintenance person (female) stares at me with wide eyes and says "I'm here to fix your shower?" Not now your aren't. Please come back later.

Since then I tell Lukas not to let anyone in whenever I am indisposed, like doing the laundry, checking on Nikki, or if I'm in the panic room.

What to get a man for Father's Day!

This is more for the benefit of my wife. Multiple times a year I am thrown into a panic. These times are designated by any occasion where I need to get a gift for my wife, or plan something. These days include Christmas, the anniversary, Valentines day, Mother's day, her Birthday, or the day after I do anything stupid. I don't like the pressure of having to buy something, I would much rather just get her something when I just want to do it, like a general "just because I love you day."

So I am assuming that some women out there are in a rut as far as what to get your man for father's day, here's a little advice. Toys.

Seriously, it sound stupid but we want toys. I'm not talking Ninja Turtles or Legos (although the Star Wars Legos are pretty awesome) we want something that we can play with. We don't want anything really practical. We want something that we can physically play with. Here are some of the categories.

1. Electronics: This is the easiest category. If it lights up, beeps, or moves mechanically, we want it. Phones, Tablets, TV's stuff like that is AWESOME!

2. Sports Equipment: This is a little more difficult because it takes a little more research. You actually have to listen to us talk about the other thing that we think about most, Sports. Sports equipment is like make-up for you women, we like to collect it. It doesn't matter if we don't use it everyday. We will also go in stages where we really like a sport for a phase, and then move on. Like when I was younger I LOVED golf. I still like golf but don't go hardly at all. Right now I LOVE cycling, and the more cycling gear I can get, the happier I am. There is no such thing as enough sports equipment.

3. Due to the family friendly nature of this blog I am not going to name the third category. Just know that we want it, we won't return it, and we will never say no to it (unless we are unconscious, drugged, or possessed by the devil).

4. Little additions to that hobby we love. I LOVE photography. Thats why I decided to do it for a career and I love getting photo gear. There are little things that we like, whether it's fly fishing, model building, sewing (there are some dudes who sew) and getting us stuff that supports that is like saying that you approve of our hobby. We like that.

5. Tickets: I know this isn't a toy, but it's close. When I say tickets though, it needs to be something that we want to go see. Sporting Events are probably the safest. Once again it's like you are approving of our sports addiction and giving us permission to watch it.

So here's your advice. Now if anyone out there can do the same, except on the female side, I would really appreciate it. Kara's birthday is coming up.

DADDY DOESN'T SHARE FOOD (Willingly)

I don't know why, but my kids have been dying to ride the campus bus. It doesn't really help that we live right next to it (it's a blessing really) and today we finally braved it. I didn't really have any idea when it came, where it took us, or anything like that. All I knew is that it was free and that it would take us in the general vicinity of the Wilkinson Center.

So today we had a few errands to run. I needed to return some library books for Kara, and also return some movie rentals to the Wilkinson center. But first I did something that I make fun of my mom for. I started out the day with "Alright kids we want to do some fun things today, but have to get a few things done first." I hated it when my mom said that. It usually meant that we had to deep clean the house before we could watch TV or anything. But I did it today, and Nikki finally has some summer chores. She has to clean her room and the family room, which may not sound like a lot, but that that is 1/3 of our apartment, so I figured its ok.

Anyway she got it done, and I also got my chores done (dishes, and showering, been neglecting that one for a day or so). As we headed out the children informed me that we just missed the bus and that it was all my fault (everything is my fault according to my children). And then like an Angel from heaven to completely confound the children, another bus arrived and I yell out "Nope, there it is, told you. That's why I came out right now." In reality it was just completely lucky timing.

We're on the bus and Lukas is looking around like he's on a ride at Disneyland. BTW, Nikki came along with a friend from the neighborhood, so they were in the back of the bus acting like they weren't associated with us. I guess I'm not cool anymore to my 6 year old. Mollie is sitting on my lap, and of course people are looking at her, because she's so cute, and probably because I dressed her and did her hair (I'm getting WAYYY better than I used to). Mollie on cue starts singing and acting out "The Wheels on the Bus." All of the verses. I don't even know all the verses (That's a lie, I've spent five years of my adult married life called to the nursery so I can probably sing more songs than you can even name).  People fall in love with her where ever she goes.

We stop at the Museum of Art and get out. We head to the library no problem, then to the bookstore, no problem, except for the thousands of EFY kids milling about, playing hackie sack, and flirting.  Just had to keep the kids close, but Nikki and her friend were walking around like they owned the place. I did not realize until this point that they had brought along our iPod touch and Nikki's mp3 player and were chatting on them like they were cell phones. Flash forward 12 years, and you will have the exact same scene. Scary.

Anyway, we hit the bookstore and return the items, no problem. Lunchtime. Even getting lunch was pretty easy. I picked up two little pizzas from Freschetta at the CougarEat along with some water cups. Nikki and her friend grab their water cups and head to fill them up, only to return with cups full of red Fanta. I then have to explain to Nikki that we didn't pay for that, that we can only get water.  They apologize and we open up the pizzas. Now I got a cheese pizza for the kids, and a Hawaiian pizza (my favorite) for me. Usually my kids don't want anything to do with my food. They think it's gross, but today, Nikki's friend reaches across the table and takes, not one, but TWO of my pieces of pizza.

DADDY DOESN'T SHARE FOOD!  Not really, I was just sad that I now had to satisfy my hunger with only two small pieces of pizza, and I almost didn't get that. After Nikki's friend inhaled her two pieces, she reached across for another, but, to her surprise, I was eating them both at the same time. I licked the one I wasn't actively eating so that she wouldn't take it. She then looked to Lukas and Mollie, who only had one piece. She asked Lukas for his piece, and Lukas, being a kind and gentle and very giving person responded "Sure!" But just before she could grab it, I stopped her and said "Lukas only has one piece of pizza and he needs to eat it." She then eyed Mollie's pizza. I didn't have to say a word because right on cue Mollie gives her a look that says "Touch my food and DIE!" Needless to say she backed off.

We eventually picked up some donuts and the kids were happy. Right now Lukas is sitting in his spiderman costume, watching mighty morphin power rangers, and chanting "The cougar bus is Awesome!"

First (Long) Day of Summer

Oh I had such great plans for today. It was the first day of summer, meaning that it's the first day of Nikki's summer break from school. Kara still had to go to school, but I thought it would be a great idea to take all the kids to the rec center to (wait for it) go swimming!
So here's how it all went down. Kara left for school and one of the first things I told the kids was "Ok before we can do anything, we need to get our chores done" and the kids, who have never done chores before, look at me like I'm crazy. But all they heard was that we get to do something fun and so instantly they are listening. Nikki's chores today, cleaning her room, and finding her swimsuit. She also helped dress Mollie. She got the first part of her chores done, but the second part, was quite the struggle.

This last week before I flew out for work we all went up to Salt Lake so that Kara could spend some time with her family while I was away. I had to pack the bag. This already is not a recipe for success.

Upon my first phone call home while away at work in Colorado, Kara informs me that I packed the bag wrong, and by wrong, she means that I only packed one pair of pajamas for each child. I was trying to save myself the agony of doing yet more laundry. When I was a kid, I had like two pairs of pajamas.  I wore one until it got dirty, and the other one until it got dirty, and by the time that happened, my other pair had been washed. Simple right. Lukas had wet the bed, and I had only packed one pair of pajamas.

Sorry I get sidetracked, and it's also 1 am while I am writing this. I want to do this while it is still somewhat fresh in my head. Nikki informed me that she probably left her swimsuit over at her cousin Ryan's house over the weekend. I had no idea this event had even transpired, so who was I to question. I found a replacement suit, something from last year. But here's the thing. Kids tend to grow, a bit, in a year.

Nikki tried to put it on, and it was a two piece (NOT a bikini) and for some strange reason she could not figure out how to put on the top. She kept yelling from her room in frustration. So what do I do?

Well first off, I'm a dad, so I am going to try and FIX the situation. Nikki is sitting there screaming on one side of the door in frustration, and I am on the other side trying to describe to her how to properly put on her bathing suit top (because I apparently know how it works). She cracks her door and thrusts the top to me and cries "I can't do it." So I try and fix it. I try and put it on her... without looking... because Nikki is at that stage where a dad shouldn't see her. So here's Nikki behind the door and I am reaching around behind the door to try and put her swimsuit top on her because she can't figure it out.

Then when that doesn't work, I try closing my eyes while I walk into her room. Bad idea. Nikki shut the door to keep me out and I ran right into it with my eyes closed.

I finally tell her to put on a T-shirt and I would show her how to put it on by using Mollie as a model. She instantly stops crying, and is obedient. I think she was more perplexed at the situation than anything else, thinking "How is this gonna work." So Nikki comes out, I grab Mollie, and put the swimsuit top on her over her BYU cheerleading outfit. Mollie just laughs and giggles while Nikki looks at me like I'm an idiot. In frustration I take the top off of Mollie and put it on Nikki over her T-shirt. I then proceed to take off her T-shirt through the swim top. At this point Nikki bursts into tears again, not at the action that I just performed, but in response to the fact that the swimsuit she is wearing is too short, shows her belly button, and is therefore, not modest.

At this point I am beyond frustration. I am about ready to launch into an argument about how it is modest, when I flash forward into the future, and see me having the same talk with Nikki, only the roles are reversed. I'm the one crying that it's not modest, and she's the one saying that the skimpy swimsuit she is wearing is perfectly Ok. SO, before I make a HUGE mistake, I just tell Nikki "You're right, we're going to Target right now and we are buying you a new swimsuit." She likes that idea. I think the idea of shopping to any of the females in our house is like some huge chill pill. Kara told me that when we just had Nikki and Kara just wanted to go relax somewhere, she'd go roam the clearance racks at Target. Nikki, being very similar to Kara, took that cue and ran with it. Everyone, and everything was ready in about five minutes. We went to target, bought her a suit, and were off to the rec center.

So in about 8 weeks, I am running in the Spudman Triathlon, and part of that race is a mile long swim. I haven't swam for over 6 weeks, and I need to swim desperately, plus after that last bit with Nikki, I needed some time alone. So I checked the kids into the Kids Club, and I went swimming. They give you a pager so they can page you if your kid is biting other children or eating glue or something. So I swim my laps, and as I exit the pool (after about 20 minutes or so) I see that the pager is going off. Crap, what did my kids do now. I towel off, put on a shirt, and on my way to the Kids club, get another page. At this point I'm scared it's something medical, like Lukas has broken a bone, or Mollie is Seizing, or Nikki has taken over the front office. I don't know. So I start jogging down and when I get there, I open the door, and I smell.... Mollie.

"She Pooped!" Of course she did. That's what she does, all the time. So I pick em up and pay for the whole hour of care, even though it was only 25 minutes, change Mollie's bum, get the kids all ready to swim (their reward for going to the kids club) and head to the pool. As we reach the pool, there is a big sign that says "Pool closed for swimming lessons." Wait, it was open swim when we went into the dressing room. What happened in the last 5 minutes?

I ask a lifeguard and they say all the pools are closed for swimming lessons. I'm looking directly at the zero depth pool with all the water toys and slides and stuff, and that is consequently, void of people. "Even this one?" I ask with a touch of "That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard" in my voice.

Yep, even that one. The pool is closed for approximately 1/2 hour.

So I have a great idea. Let's go buy some sunscreen at the front desk, then we can buy Lunch at the cafe (Our rec center is awesome by the way). So we head up to the front desk and I buy some sunscreen for four bucks that's about the same size as a stick of Chapstick. How am I supposed to cover my kids in this? And it's only SPF 30. My kids need like SPF Lead Suit to stop from being sunburned.
I count my losses (money) and head over to the cafe to buy the kids Lunch. At this point we still have 25 minutes till pool time. I look at the menu and ask the kids what they want. Pizza! "We don't have it" the cracking voice of the attendant replies. Nachos "Don't have it", Corndogs? Churros? Burritos? (all of which are listed on the menu. "Don't have it." Well what do you have? "Chocolate Milk and potato chips, and candy." Such Nutritious choices.

Lunch that day was potato chips, and chocolate milk. I'm an awesome dad.

At this point it's T-20 minutes until pool time. We head outside to the outdoor pool and snag a seat. I hand out the food and begin applying sunscreen to mollie. No sooner do I begin then I hear a cry of alarm from Lukas. I look over, and there is the chocolate milk, all over his chest, swimsuit, and running down his legs (I hope that was chocolate). I wipe him down and return to Mollie's sunblock application.
Then Lukas. For safety he puts down his chocolate milk at his feet while he is sun-blocked, but forgets it is there when I begin applying it to his face. Chocolate Milk down, spreading like.... well there's no analogy to fit this situation, spreading fast. I'm done.

Lukas miraculously gets his sunblock on, and I move on to Nikki. She's been great. She's an excellent helper and she even dressed Mollie that day. I did her hair though (no pics, trust me it looks good).
I am then in a predicament. I need sunblock now. I get all the areas that I can, but I ask Nikki to get my back. She just scrunches up her face and says "ewww dad, that's gross." Why thank you Nikki that makes me feel absolutely super. Nikki finally relents and does the quickest application ever, and one that used the least amount of contact ever. I now have a multicolored suntanned back.

The pool opens. Nikki runs, Lukas clings, Mollie runs to the chairs. It ends up being a fairly good day. Nikki goes down the big slide and almost drowns, has to have the life guard pull her out, but all in all a good day, but soon to be cut short. The lifeguard begins coming around to everyone and getting us out of the water, saying they have to check something, which every parent knows is code for POOP.

At this point it's 10 minutes to 2 pm and we have to pick up Kara at 3. I make an executive decision and start the clean-up process. Mollie is dressed. Accomplished but at great cost.

The entire time Mollie is desperately trying to get back into the water, so I have to hold on to a squirming Mollie while I am trying to tie Lukas's shoes, find my keys, phone and wallet, pack up the bag, and eventually move these kids.

Towards the end it looks like I made the right move because the lifeguard is coming around to everyone to inform them that the pool will be closed for about a half hour. I am pretty blunt so I just ask "What did you find?" and she calmly replies "Someone pooped in the pool." And then Nikki, whose curiosity has just been piqued, yells out "Who did it?" Thankfully the lifeguard doesn't answer, but Nikki will not be silenced. All the way out to car she is drilling me, "Who pooped in the pool dad, who?" I DON"T KNOW!

By this time we can't find the car, because I have forgotten where we parked, and Mollie has decided she wants to eat her lunch/chips. She soon gets frustrated by traditional methods of extracting chips from a bag, so she dumps them all out in the space between her and my chest, making a little snack table, where she proceeds to eat.

Car is found, kids in seats, it's now 2:20 pm. When does school start again?

Lukas enjoying "Lunch".

The three amigos.

Nikki's new swimsuit

Mollie working the camera.

Just treat me like a mom

I had a vague idea of what my wife would do while I was away at work. Mostly from the texts, blog posts and facebook updates I imagined that my wife's day consisted of taking the kids to various activities, clearance shopping at Target, and pinning things on Pinterest. Now that I am the one at home I realize that this job is not fully equipped with playdates, trips to the farm/children's museum/random fun place, and socializing activities. Mostly it's just me asking Lukas and Mollie what they want to do Today, and sometimes Lukas looks at me and says "What we try and do every day dad, try and take over the world!"

Well, we're working on that, but in the meantime, the social thing is a little bit of a difficult nut to crack.

Here is my first hindrance, I'm a dude. I am not saying that everyone around us is sexist and is avoiding me because I pee standing up, sing tenor, and do drywall in my spare time. No, not at all. I just think that the usual response from the Stay at Homes is that they think I am the student and my wife is off at the store or something and I am just there to make sure the kids don't do anything before my class starts.
This actually happens quite a bit, especially when we meet someone new. The men always ask me what I'm studying and then the women start inviting my wife to stuff. I need to start making up a fake major that sounds interesting, but something so far out there and weird that no one will be able to call my bluff or understand anything that I say when I talk about my "classes".

Second Hindrance (I like that word), we are pretty new. Some things are already established and we just have no idea about any of them. Like we just found out there's a google group for our complex and they have activities posted on there. Totally had no idea (also didn't know what a google group was). As we get more and more situated, this hindrance will hopefully be a thing of the past.

Third Hindrance, my kids are nuts, tend to scare other children, and have a habit of yelling obscenities. Not really, I just wanted to see if you were actually reading this. On to the Fourth.

Fourth Hindrance, this whole being a stay at home dad thing is filled with stuff that just isn't fun. Seriously, stuff like the dishes, the laundry, running errands, cleaning the house. There were two days where I just played with the kids and didn't do the dishes or clean the house. Yeah, we ran out of dishes and I ended up using paper plates that I found in one of our un-opened boxes. The hard thing about this, is that you can have a clean house, but you have to completely ignore your kids and let the television babysit them. Or you can have happy kids, and a house that looks like dad is the housekeeper (like Mine). Some days it takes me the whole morning to do the dishes, clean up the kids, pick up Mollie's poop, shower (only when necessary) before it's time to make Lunch and then put Mollie down for a nap.

Usually at this time Lukas looks at me and says "Dad let's watch a show and cuddle!" How do you say No to that? I'm sorry son but these dirty dishes are more important than spending quality time with you. Here, go play with this cat and cradle while I ignore you.

I usually don't mind this last part because I combine two things into one, sleeping and spending time with Lukas. Of course he doesn't know that I slept through twenty minutes of Spiderman, but we still had quality time.

So as you can see, there are a lot of reasons why we (I) am not invited to all the quetilliens (not the right spelling but a fancy word for party) and it's basically all my fault. But then again I will be busy studying for my exams so that I can get my degree in Klingon flight and weapons technology in the 18th century (that's my new "major") so I probably won't have any time for social things. But don't worry, my wife will be back at three after a seven hour trip to the grocery store (class).

Anyone want to go to the Dinosaur Museum?

Lukas knows how to work the camera

The casual barefoot, I'm relaxing on a slide pose.

Who Me? 

This one is entitled "Dad, take my picture......... Didja get it?  Lemme See."

The Mean Girl

So Girl world is so much more complex than boy world, even for a six year old. In boy world, if there is a problem, it's usually settled right then and there with a kick or a tackle, like today Lukas had a little spiff today with one of his friends, they hit and tackled, and were done. Now I am NOT advocating violence, just making an observation about boys and girls.

Now Nikki has been having problems with a girl in the neighborhood who likes to exclude her from EVERYTHING. It's not that they're just not friends but she will make a concerted effort to invite everyone to play, and make sure Nikki knows she is not invited. Nikki was playing with a friend and this girl came up and invited her friend to come and eat popsicles, then turned to Nikki and said "You can't come, we only have three popsicles."

It's not too big of a problem, because first off this girl is ten years old, and Nikki is only six so she won't be a problem normally, just every once in a while when she wants to be a pest. Then Nikki decided to take matters into her own hands. Here is the issue we discovered tonight.

Nikki had decided to hold a summer camp (without telling us). She had created invitations, set up times and dates, and delivered the invitations to two of her friends. Like I said we had no idea that this had happened until one of her friends showed up at the door asking for some clarification on where it was supposed to be held. Now I am not angry about this (well maybe a little but the next bit makes this first bit easier to swallow). What made me angry was the fact that the invitation told the invitees who not to invite, or even tell. Basically Nikki wrote on the invitation "Don't tell (Name of Mean girl) and (name of other girl)."

We sat her down and had a good talk with her, and will have another good talk with her tomorrow. We essentially told her that she just became the mean girl. What came as a relief is she instantly realized what she had done. The thing about Nikki is she (normally) is very sensitive to other people's feelings and is very inclusive. Here usual mantra is The More Friends, the Better!

You know that show from the 90's, Rugrats? There is a character called Angelica, and she is pretty much the mean, selfish, older sister and makes everyone's life miserable. Nikki knows how bad this little girl is, so whenever she is misbehaving, we say "Nikki you're acting just like Angelica" and she stops immediately what she is doing.

What I am trying to say (and probably doing a real bad job of it) is that Nikki made a bad choice, and she really wishes she could take it back. Kara and I just spent the last 20 minutes visiting the parents of the kids who received the invitations and trying to do some type of damage control.  On the plus side, Kara met a new friend!