What? I have to Shave?

We went to go get our ID cards the other day. Since we are living in student housing we have to use laundry facilities instead of a washer and dryer (it wouldn’t fit in our apartment anyway, so we sold em). With the laundry facilities we receive a discount if we use the BYU card. Kara automatically gets one and I can get one too. So we went to go get our ID cards, and Kara gets hers first and then I line up to get mine. First thing they say is “They probably didn’t tell you but if you are going to use the facilities you need to follow the same dress and grooming standards as if you were a university student.”

What? Now I really don’t have a problem with this, but I really don’t like to shave. Like really.  Mostly because I hate doing something that I am going to have do again the next day.  But I was more than willing to comply. So I said, “Ok, I’ll go home and shave.”  Nope, they gave me a razor and a can of shaving cream and pointed me in the direction of the bathroom.

By the way, the Wilkinson center was totally packed because it was commencement at BYU that day. People were buying stuff for their grads, grabbing some food, and other things. There was even a graduation going on in the ballroom. So here I come in to the bathroom at the Wilkinson Center with a disposable razor and a can of shaving cream, and the place is full of people. I find an empty sink and with a little smile on my face and a little embarrassment I begin to shave my face. It’s also been like 4 days since I had shaved so the scruff was pretty thick and probably could have used some clippers first, but I had to make due. The other problem was that in this day and age no one likes to touch faucets anymore so every bathroom has these stupid “hands-free” sinks where you just wave your hand in front of them and the water magically flows. This magic sink lasted about 1.5 seconds before shutting off.

Have you ever had to shave thick stubble with a razor? Have you ever had to shave thick stubble with a razor in a public bathroom? What about thick stubble with a razor in a bathroom with 1.5 second intervals of Water? Now make that water ICE cold. It doesn’t really help. It took me about ten minutes to finish the job.

While I was there I did make a friend. A nice special needs guy came up to me and just stared at me while I was shaving. I said “Hi” in the friendliest voice possible and he just looks at me and says “What are you doing?”

“Shaving!” I told him.

“Why?”

“For my ID card?” I replied.

“Didn’t you know the rules before you came?” He asked.

“Yep, but I’m not a student.”

A look of confusion crosses his face. Then he asks “Well why do you have to shave and get an ID card?”

“Well my wife is going to school here….” That’s as far as I got, then he broke in.

“YOU’RE MARRIED?”

I stop shaving, “Yeah?”

He pauses, “Really?” with a look of incredulousness on his face.

“Really.” Is it that hard to believe that I was married? Seriously how bad did I look? Maybe I should shave more often. Maybe he was confusing me with a homeless man or something. I don’t know.

“I’m getting married!” He says with exuberance.

“Awesome!” I respond with the same tone as him.

“Yeah you should come, I’ll send you an invitation.”

“Cool, I’d like that.”

“Cool, I’ll see you at the wedding.”

“See you then.”

And he leaves the restroom.

Moving

This has been eventful. I keep meaning to do these funny posts, these tear jerker posts, and semi informational, but I have been so busy with this stupid move that I haven't had time to even sit back and  collect my thoughts. I do have five hours of uninterrupted time, it's called sleeping. I guess I could cut back on that, I'm a dad, I don't need it... that much.

So right now I am sitting in our brand new (to us) apartment in BYU's student housing. We packed up our house in Hyde Park that was 2700 square feet and are now living in an apartment that barely hits 750. The sacrifices we make for our education. Actually, before we scored the great deal with our house in Hyde Park we were on our way to student housing, which I think was smaller than this apartment. But back then we only had two kids and now we have 3 (Mollie's personality should qualify her for an extra half person but 3 will do fine right now).

So yesterday, all day, we loaded up the moving van. We had our boxes labeled as to whether they were going to storage, or to the apartment. We had the bright idea to put the storage boxes in first, and then put in the apartment ones. The only problem with that was that once you start packing you come across so much crap that you don't want to take with you at the end, and it ends up being at the very back of the truck. So when we were unloading today we had to unpack the first few layers of crap because it needed to go to storage. I'm an idiot.

I love the D.I. (for those of you who don't know about this lovely institution, it's known as Deseret Industries, and it's a great place to unload all your crap you don't need). I think after this week they have a section in their store entitled "Klc Crap" and it is a collection of the most random things you could ever find. From clothes to garden tools, computer parts, art supplies, multiple shoes, and child or two.  Another shipment could have been done, but we were so ready to get out and get moving that our neighbor offered to take it for us. Thank you very much neighbor, you know who you are and we appreciate you.

Lastly, I want to talk about towing vehicles. This is stupid. Well, we were stupid. Did you know that you need to have the trailer hitched to the truck before driving your vehicle onto it? Just making sure you did because you would feel real dumb if you did that and suddenly got high centered after the trailer flips up and you have to get out of the car, have your wife take the wheel, and then power squat the trailer so your vehicle can become un-high centered. Not that I did that, but just in case you were wondering what would happen if you did. I think I saw that particular technique on Pinterest. You should google it, it's there I swear.

So when I'm returning the trailer, I can't enter my vehicle through the driver's side door because there is a giant wheel well there. This happened before when I flawlessly parked my car on the trailer, but I had to climb out the passenger side, after climbing over all the clothes, random objects, and bottled goods of all things. So anyway, as I was returning the trailer, I start to go in the passenger side door, when the salesman pulls this little strap, and the wheel well falls away, allowing me to enter my automobile through the driver side door. Would've been nice if that was in the brochure.

Jesus wants me for a sunbeam!

Normally I'm not one of those parents who push their kids cuteness on other people, mainly because I have a theory about kids and that is, kids are like farts, you don't mind your own, but other people's are unbearable (except for my farts/kids, everyone loves my farts/kids). 

As you can see my kids are performers, and this was one of the first times that I have been able to get Lukas on camera performing on demand. He knows other songs like the Itsy Bitsy Spider, the wheels on the Bus, the Scotsman (USU's fight song), I gotta feeling (Black Eyed Peas) and various other hits.
Haven't quite figured out if he's tone deaf yet (my side of the family) or if he can carry a tune (Kara's side) but one thing for certain is that he does not lack enthusiasm.

Mollie Pooped

Ok so I was going to write a post about doing Nikki's hair and flat irons and stuff, but then this happened. Last night we came back from dinner and Sam's Club (not dinner at Sam's Club, but I must admit, sometimes the free samples are a meal in itself), and the kids had been playing hard all day long and were a mess. So naturally we put them in the tub. Nikki showers by herself and Lukas and Mollie get in the tub together. They're big enough that we don't typically have to sit by their side and make sure they don't drown, more like be in the general vicinity.

Well, I was right outside the door (door is open) checking my e-mail when I hear a voice of terror from the bathroom emanating from my son Lukas "DADDY MOLLIE POOPED IN THE TUB!" I jump to action and rush into see Lukas standing up trying to get away from Mollie and Mollie bearing down and unleashing her load. I grab Lukas as Mollie finishes and pull him to safety. Next is Mollie who is now two pounds lighter. Then Lukas yells out "My Heroes!" which means his Spiderman, Ironman, and Batman action figures, who are now navigating the log infested waters of Lake Holicrap.

Now these action figures mean everything to Lukas, he even sleeps with them. So, I hold my breath, keep my eyes open (because I don't want to miss and have to do it again), plunge my hand into the poop filled bathtub and in one foul swoop retrieve the Heroes (yeah, I saved Batman). All this happened within a period of about 15 seconds. At this point I survey the damage and realize that using whole wheat and organic food really agrees with Mollie. The only problem is it looks like full grown (pardon the expression) man poop. Like seriously it was longer than her arm, and it was breaking up in the warm water.

About this time Lukas makes a realization that Mollie hadn't quite finished and dropped a little tiny turd on the floor, after making a brief but oh so slimy connection with her leg. Luckily we have Clorox bleach wipes in the bathroom, along with Mollie's baby wipes. I wipe up Mollie first, then the floor, then I turn to the tub. During this time my wife is hurrying Nikki along with her shower so that we can move these two into a clean tub.

I survey the damage. They're floating everywhere by now, the carnage is everywhere. Brown streaks and floaties everywhere. My wife equips me with yellow rubber gloves (would have been nice during the Hero rescue, but that is neither here nor there) and I .....(it makes me sick just to think of it right now)... retrieve the bogeys. They are placed in their proper containers and flushed. The tub is drained, rinsed, filled with hot water and bleach. The floor is sanitized, the Heroes returned to their former glory,  and the bathroom, now smells like a swimming pool. Thank you Mollie. Sorry, no pictures.

Looking for a house

So what the crap. I hate house hunting, almost as much as I hate moving. It is so hard to find something if you aren't living there. Here's the scoop.

We drove down this week to look at some places, and we focused on the Springville area. We set up 7 showings before we went down and ended up looking at 8 different places. We are trying to work with a budget and moving down from Logan is a huge change for us because house prices in Utah county are so much higher than up here. Seriously a house up here that rents for $950 will rent for $1350 in Utah county. I'm going a little crazy because I don't want to be house poor (meaning we spend all of our money on our housing so that we don't have anything left over to do anything. But at least we would have a house to sit in and be bored). Also Utilities are apparently more. Now we also have a rental property that we own in Taylorsville. We originally lived in the home for two years and then after the real estate market fell out we weren't able to sell it. Instead of defaulting on the loan and short selling, we rented it out and made every mortgage payment. But back to utilities, in our utilities in Taylorsville, our sewer and garbage were included in our escrow, so it wasn't an extra bill. Down in Utah county, different story.

Anyway, so we went down to Springville and saw 8 different properties, liked one, it was a bit expensive (out of our budget) and we decided not to go for it. We felt good about backing out, but still we just felt like we wasted the entire day (4+ hours in the car). The kids were great though the entire time, even Mollie, although at the end I think she was past tired and acting like an even more crazy person.

So we had decided that if we didn't get anything, we would just move in with my parents until we did. So we reserved a POD (one of those temporary storage things) for all of our stuff, and then we see a really nice house on Craigslist for $1000 a month. We got real excited, called on it, talked to the tenant and set up a showing ( but we couldn't go so we sent Kara's mom and sister to make sure it wasn't a ghetto).  We don't want to rent something sight unseen, because we've seen how deceiving online pictures can be. One of the properties we went to go see in Springville looked real nice online. Then we show up, and our mind is changed. Sure it was nice, if you like torn and dingy carpet and the smell of cat urine (and also cat feces). But back to the nice home. We really liked it and we called the landlord and tried to get an application. We even e-mailed...... Nothing. Finally we get a call and the landlord wants to interview us. So we set up a skype appointment and wait. and wait, and nothing. It's almost time to put the kids to bed and we still haven't heard.

So Kara finally calls and they tell us that they've interviewed two people already and they think they know who they want to rent to. Come on, they haven't even met us yet. We are an awesome family. Hold on, let me re-phrase that. WE ARE AN AWESOME FAMILY! Like, people want to be us (maybe that's a little over the top, but we're still Awesome). Well Long story short, we didn't get the house and I am just a little bit fuming now. I'm sure it will go away in a little bit, but I am just sick of looking for houses. So if anyone knows of a place, please let me know.

Little Friends

The hardest part about moving to a new place is leaving all the friends behind, particularly for the kids. All of our kids (even Mollie) has friends here that they absolutely love and are going to miss so much.
Just today, Lukas is over at the little neighbor girl's house. He was invited over and he always talks about going over and what they do together. According to her mom, the first thing Lukas asks to do when they are over is watch a show, but then something else is suggested and they go and do that.

Mollie loves to go too, so our neighbor is so nice and invites Mollie to come over and play too. Every so once in a while a friend will come over and ask Nikki or Lukas to play, and Mollie automatically thinks that they are asking for her too. One particular day a friend came by and Mollie was at the door when I answered it. She saw the friend and ran to go get her shoes so that she could go. The only problem was that it was only Nikki going to play. So Nikki went, the door closed just as Mollie returned with her shoes. She stood there devastated... and started to cry.  Time for diversions. I can't remember what we did, but I think it involved food (Mollie's first love).

The friends will be missed, especially over the summer when all they do is bounce from house to house. One minute they'll be at our house jumping on the trampoline, the next they're at another house getting otter pops, then back to each house to change into swim suits, then back to us for water tramp (sprinkler under the tramp). It was not uncommon for all the kids in the neighborhood to play from 8 am til 9 pm and later (with some breaks, but that's what summer is all about). I just hope that wherever  we end up that we can find as good of neighbors and friends as we have had here.

Shopping

Just to clarify one thing, I am not on my own yet. In fact right now my wife and I are enjoying a great time before she goes to school. I'm still working at the college but my classes are all at night, and I haven't started my new job yet, and the design stuff I just get done in my spare time anyway.  So after Nikki goes to school in the morning, Kara and I get to do a lot of stuff together with Lukas and Mollie.
Today Lukas and Nikki were at tumbling so Kara, Mollie and I went to the store. Kara says that whenever she goes to the store by herself, she can get everything done pretty quick, but if you add Mollie to the mix, you have to triple whatever time it would have normally taken. Usually when I go we last about five minutes before Mollie is so naughty that she has to go out to the car. Today was not different.
Mollie did not want to be held, or put in the cart, or have a shoulder ride. She wanted to walk, and then run.... away. She first ran into the little part of walmart with all the stupid kiddie rides (like the horse that just goes up and down, and some weird Garfield toy that just shakes). She kept yelling out "I do" which in her mind means "I want that".  I picked her up and the whole exorcism roll began, I guess all you parents know. Then the straighten out the body really fast so that dad can't hold you up anymore and you almost fall on your head trick. Then once your on the floor the limp body so that I have to physically gather her up and carry her, and then it starts again.
We put her in the cart, but not in the little seat part, she can get out of that way too easily. She has to sit in the big part of the cart because the walls are much higher and it gives us a little bit of a warning before she jumps out. She was not happy. Well, not happy doesn't quite describe it. She kept yelling out "No Daddy, No Mommy". Some people in the store stopped and gave a little frowny face and said "Oh she's so sad". This is where I turned and said, "Yep we're just lousy parents". We get some funny looks at the Wal-Mart, but mostly people understand that our child is crazy.
She tried to jump out several times but that's normal, right? Anyway, she eventually settled down once we got a case of bottled water for her to sit on, then she spent the rest of the time pretending to bounce up and down on it. She really started to act like a nice baby at that point. No more exorcisms, and no more suicide attempts by jumping out of the cart. And yes, it took us about 45 minutes to pick up about 10 items (which I thought was pretty good, because it takes me at least a half hour to find anything that Kara sends me to the store for).

this is her attempting to escape

The Dentist

Lukas had a cavity. Just a little one, in the back on one of his molars. So we take him to the dentist and get it fixed right? Well, let me tell you a little bit about the family dental history (on my wife's side) and it is not pretty.

First off, I never had to have braces. My wife did. There was a time when I was little where I didn't brush my teeth for like three months. No cavities. My wife is a constant brusher, flosser, mouth washer etc and has been her entire life. She has been to the dentist more times in the past three years than I have been ever. Each time it's either a cavity, or root canal, or something. My most severe trip to the dentist was when I was in 5th grade my friend Dan pushed me while I was standing at the urinal (it was funny at the time trust me) and I smacked my tooth on the porcelain wall behind it and broke a tooth. Had to have that fixed. He got grounded for that by the way.

So needless to say, I have the non-maintenance teeth, and my wife had the high maintenance teeth (the only thing high maintenance about her, I love you babe). It goes through her family though. Here sister bit down on a dentist drill bit when she was little and did all sorts of damage (physical and psychological). Later that day she was having her picture taken (logical I know) and the photographer asked her to show her teeth and she just started crying (because the dentist asked to do the same thing). Her PTSD is another story altogether. She is also the only person who really needs to drive a hummer, for protection (later).

So we were worried about whose teeth Lukas was going to have, Mine or Kara's. We bother hoped that he would get my teeth and Kara's eyes (my prescription is so thick you can eat soup out of my glasses). It looks like Lukas got both. The kid can see things at such a distance that no one sees them until he points them out to us. And the kids teeth, amazing.

We prepped him real good too. We told him how exciting the dentist was and that he gets to wear a really cool super hero mask (the funny gas) and watch a movie on the ceiling, and that he gets a cool toy after the dentist is done. You can see how this can be dangerous, because if he has a bad experience he's not going to believe a word we say ever again. But it worked. He didn't cry, he actually ENJOYED it! When he was done he jumped off the chair and said "Can I have my toy?" He then proceeded to tell the Dentist about Spiderman.

I felt a little bad because I had to take Mollie out of the room because, Mollie being Mollie, she was grabbing everything. So here I am leaving my son (he had his mom so that was great) to an unknown fate. Mollie on the other hand almost stabbed herself with Dental tools. She is one of those kids who grabs everything within reach, no matter what it is. Anyway, here are some pics of Lukas's toy (not spiderman, the Top) and his newly fixed tooth.

I took these with my new phone, so please don't judge on focus, exposure, color, anything.

Down and Dirty Job

So I am a photographer as well. I really am. I actually studied photography and Art at a University and I work (meaning I get paid). I have another blog that talks about all my photo work, but this was just a unique photo shoot and very entertaining that I thought it might be interesting to post it. This last weekend I photographed one of the funnest engagement couples. They decided that they didn't want the traditional engagement photos, so they decided to go Jeeping. We took some of the traditional pictures for Mom and Grandma, but then this happened.

Luckily I was out of the jeep when this happened and my camera equipment was safe.  The couple on the other hand was completely covered in nice spring mud. We took over 300 images because we were having so much fun. This segues (pronounced segway I believe) into the next big announcement.

I GOT A JOB! Yes, I will be working, and be a stay at home dad. I got a job working for a company called flo-foto and it is perfect for our situation. I will be working as a photographer covering the color me rad and Mud Run Races. So this last shoot worked out pretty well. It's a pretty cool job because I only work on Friday and Saturday (days where Kara does not have school) and I get to fly all over the county, and get this, CANADA! Eh!!!

It seems like a perfect fit. It works with the schedule, I love photography, I love races, and I love to travel (well to a point).  The only down side is that I was really looking forward to getting season tickets to my favorite college football team, since we will be living so close to it, and now I can't. It's all good, it's a sacrifice I am willing to make for the family. Although if my wife is reading this, I just want to say, there are no races during bowl season. And I have never been to a bowl game. And I work so hard, and bowl game tickets make great Christmas gifts, and grandma can probably watch the kids, and did I mention I won't be able to go to a single regular season game? I love my wife!

Two pieces of toast, and I only eat one.

I went to go make my self a piece of toast with Nutella and Peanut Butter (it's delicious). Before I did, I asked Nikki and Lukas, who were sitting at the counter watching a show on the iPad if they wanted any. They both gave a nonchalant "No" as they continued on with "Jake and the Neverland Pirates". I made my toast and was just about to bite into it when Nikki looks up and says "I want some!" in a tone that made her sound as if she had been somehow wronged and left out by me preparing a piece of toast for myself and not her. Lukas then joined in and realized the injustice of no toast and exclaimed "I want some with Jelly".

I made two pieces, ate only one. Nikki got one whole piece, and Lukas settled for a clementine. Mollie was in time out for throwing marbles so she missed the whole thing.

Why we have punishments

Nikki is what you would call a firecracker. She absolutely loves life and hates to be excluded from anything. Unfortunately it also makes her somewhat disobedient at times (it makes my wife crazy).

So today we were planning on taking all the kids to the pool and swimming for about an hour. When I got back this morning from my gym workout (also swimming) Nikki and Kara became locked in a battle of wills. We were trying to just talk to the entire family about the plan for the day which included cleaning up our rooms, eating breakfast and going to the pool. While we were attempting this, Nikki was sitting at the piano plunking out random notes just to make noise and nothing drives Kara crazier (actually my driving is number one, so this is number two) is when she is trying to speak and she keeps getting interrupted. She asked Nikki to stop it nicely once, twice, three times, and she kept doing it. Then Kara told her to stop it the fourth time and told her that if she didn't stop she wouldn't be going swimming.

Nikki looked her square in the eye and plinked the keys on the piano (I think plink is a word). At that point Kara says "No swimming today." This didn't phase Nikki until she found out that the rest of the family was still going swimming and she would be sitting out and just watching. Suddenly we were inundated with requests for another chance, and please please please let me swim.

This is where I stepped in. I turned to her and (not yelling by the way, I found that talking in a calm manor infuriates them more and makes it more memorable) told her that if she asks for another chance one more time there will be no friends today either. Nikki lives and dies by her friends. They are her life. She stopped asking and pretty much accepted her fate.

The hard thing with this is that I wanted her to go swimming. I want her to have friends and to play. Trust me it's a lot easier to have her play with a friend than to have me try and entertain her all day.
While Nikki was supplicating us for another chance, Kara and I conferenced (meaning we shut the door to the bathroom and told the kids we were getting ready) and got on the same game plan. It worked. She stopped blubbering and actually accepted her punishment.

She did ask later why we have to have punishments. We told her we are trying to teach her how to not be a snot when she grows up and that if we didn't give her punishments she would never learn how to be a good person, what's right and wrong, shoot 3 under par, get good gas mileage, ya know, all the important stuff.

Pig tails are not as easy as you think (retitled for the future: Sorry Mollie)

My wife was home today, just so everyone knows. It's also spring break, so all my kids are home and don't really have to be anywhere. We figured this was a safe time to try out my hair styling skills.... on Mollie. We chose Mollie because Nikki would not let me (I tried the other day and she took the flat iron right out of my hand and told me to just let her do it) and Lukas does not have enough hair for pigtails (nor will he ever). Plus I do Lukas' hair all the time. So Mollie it was. I am beginning to understand some of the frustrations my wife runs through in the morning, and also some of the techniques for distraction that prove to be so helpful.

Mollie would not sit still. She was up, she was down, she wanted to feed me a cookie, she wanted a cookie, then she wanted to brush my hair, then she wanted an elastic. FUN does not begin to to describe this. And this was Mollie in a good, semi passive mood. Imagine what it's going to be like when we have to be somewhere in five minutes and Mollie is there with wet hair and Lukas is climbing all over me and Nikki has gone to school with a mohawk.

First off, put the elastics on your fingers, it makes it easier to access. It is completely worthless to have them in the package and you try and reach for them while holding down a piggy tail. Needless to say I learned real quick.  Next dry hair doesn't work, and neither does wet hair, it has to be somewhere in between. This makes absolutely no sense to me, but oh well. So here is my attempt.

Here is Mollie attempting to fix what I had created.

A little lopsided on the pig tails.

This one was already done, but I pulled it out and re-did it to say I did it.

I meant for the part to zigzag like that. All the kids today want a part that resembles the east coast of South America.

And one is further back than the other, but we still went out like this. Not very far, but in public..... Sorry Mollie.