Potty Training Mollie

I've been putting it off, and putting it off, and secretly hoping that Kara will do it while I'm away on a race. But no such luck. It is time to teach Mollie how to consistently use the potty.

I don't remember anything of potty training the first two kids, because I didn't do it. I came home from work/school and Kara had done it. I was in more of a supporting role at the time. I put Nikki and Lukas on the potty when they needed to go, but the hard part was done, and that was these two communicating when they needed to go, and them figuring out that they need to go, before they are in the act of going.

This is where I stand with Mollie. In Puddles. Four of them to be exact, in our living room. I had a plan this morning, started off by a huge success by Mollie herself. She started by taking off her pajamas by herself (half the battle) then her diaper, and then sitting on the potty and pooping four little turds by herself this morning. My wife was so proud of her that she gave her a sticker and put her in big girl panties to start the day off, which starts me off on a worrisome day.

My plan was to put Mollie on the potty every 30 minutes whether she needed to go or not. It worked the first time, and she actually peed. She was so excited. Almost as excited as she was this morning when she pooped. She was very proud. She called in Lukas and Nikki to show off what she had done. Nikki played the part well  and so did Lukas, both congratulating their little sister on her success.

The success was short lived.

Here we are now, Mollie is back in a diaper, because all of her panties are now wet. I tried the whole put them on every half hour, but I think Mollie was on to me, because she would wet her panties every 25 minutes. So I moved it to every 25 minutes, and she pees at 20 minutes. Her bladder is against me.

The hard thing is that she really wants to go on the potty, she knows how to do it, she knows how to wipe, and she washes her hands. She knows everything about the potty, except for recognizing when she actually needs to pee, until she's actually peeing. She'll get there though, but not today, because I have some laundry to do.

It's All You!

There was nothing to read in the bathroom, except one of Kara's magazines, All You. We got it for free because I ordered something manly like Sports Illustrated, or Home Handyman, or Outdoor Photographer. But I picked it up and I started to flip through it.

One of the reasons why this was the only thing in the bathroom is because I just barely cleaned it and when I clean I usually throw out any magazines left in the bathroom. With Lukas starting to stand up while he pees, and Mollie potty training herself, this is a necessity. Left over magazines are just gross. 

Anyway, so I was flipping through the magazine, and it's a holiday special magazine, and so naturally, there are holiday recipes, and I actually was getting excited, and planning on making some of them.

.

.

What the crap is happening to me?

Seriously, I'm looking at recipes and starting to taste them in my head. Kara has had this talent for years, and I have never been able to do it, until now.  Let me explain, after you have stayed at home for a while with kids, you get real sick of the same stuff over and over again. My "gourmet" top ramen doesn't really taste gourmet to me anymore. The kids still eat it, because, well it's top ramen with a hard boiled egg in it. Organic Mac N Cheese is still better than the other stuff, and the kids still eat it, but in the end it's still powdered cheese over noodles. 

I've attempted multiple other dishes and have been successful at several. I'm good at Spaghetti, my breakfast food makes iHop look like it's run by amateurs (seriously, you have to try my German pancakes), and Meatloaf. But here's the crazy thing. Spaghetti is easy now. Meatloaf is easy. I have the recipe for German pancakes memorized and I know how to make it fluffy or flat, how to give it that little salty kick that pairs so well with powdered sugar and carmelized apples...

So the crazy thing is that all this has given me confidence in the kitchen. Confidence to try new things. I look at a recipe now and I automatically know if I have the ingredients in my kitchen and what I need to buy. I feel empowered, and yet a little bit weirded out.

There was an article a little while ago in GQ magazine (not one of my manly magazines, or a free one, Kara forwarded it to me). It was talking about the new trend of the SAHD (Stay At Home Dad) and how great of a gig it was. Here's a quote from the article:

"Think tech jobs are booming? Visit a playground on a weekday afternoon and observe the newest wave of the American workforce: the stay-at-home dad. He's got flexible hours, the freedom to explore his own interests, a pretty relaxed dress code, and a sweet home office. If you can stomach the sleep deprivation and mild feeling of emasculation, what's not to like?"

http://www.gq.com/life/mens-lives/201311/stay-at-home-dad-fatherhood?currentPage=1

I can completely relate to the article. Later it talks about how ten months into it, he finally starts to get the hang of it (seriously I still have like 4 more months till I reach that point).

Now if I can only figure out how Mollie is potty training herself, I will have a real advantage.

Tums

Mollie loves candy. And donuts. And make up. And Nikki's room.  Today I caught her in my room eating Kara's tums. I knew she was doing something wrong when I couldn't hear her. Silence is golden, but with a two year old, it's also very very dangerous.

I found her with a tums already in her mouth and when I asked her what she had, she just casually shrugged her shoulders as if nothing were the matter, and then casually started towards the door, avoiding eye contact (imagine a two year old trying to act natural, and that's Mollie in this moment in time).

I stop her, and tell her to spit it out

"uh, uh" from a tight lipped Mollie.

Now.

"mnof" ( translation, no)

I plug Mollies nose to get her to open her mouth. She finally makes eye contact with me. The battle of wills has begun. For a full thirty seconds Mollie stares me down, and I return the gaze. Her lips pucker, then crack slightly. It's the opening I need. I jam my finger inside, and fish out the remnants of a red tums.

Mollie is not happy, and voices her displeasure.

Call to poison control averted. That particular phone call comes under Kara's watch... also Mollie.

St George!

I've decided, today's the day I'm gonna blog. Also my wife keeps dropping hints that I need to. So here I go again. Usually an update is in the works after a long absence of blogging. Let's see if I can get you all up to speed as to where we are right now.

Kara is pregnant... still.

I'm at home with the kids.... still

My job on the weekends is slowing down....

Left my laptop charger in Lubbock Texas so I have a total of 1.5 hours of battery life every day because Kara thinks that she needs her laptop charger for her laptop. Selfish

Mollie has begun potty training.... herself.

I hate Thursdays, especially when I have to drive Car-Pool

And Halloween is done and over and no we do not have our Christmas tree up. It would take up half the house.

So let's expound on some of these things. First off Kara is STILL pregnant. I thought the first pregnancy was long, and then the second, and Mollie's was even longer, but this one seems like Kara's been pregnant forever.  I am now starting to realize what it was like for her when I was in grad school. She wakes up and leaves everyday at 7:30 am unless I can convince her that she's sick, or that one of the kids sick (they usually reserve that special treat for her on Fridays when I'm not here. Thanks kids, I owe you a solid.) Except for this last weekend.

Anyway

For some strange reason, the kids have this uncanny ability to sense when Kara and I are going to be out of town... alone, because right before it's time to drop them off at Grandma's house they start vomiting.  I'm not repeating a previous blog post, ya know the one about Kara's birthday (see the blog post around June, the one where I literally start crying during the post). No I am talking about this last weekend.

I have been signed up to run the snow canyon half marathon for like two months, give or take a month. So Kara decided to be real nice to me and make a little trip out of it for just the two of us. We got a room at a bed and breakfast, we rented a Fiat to drive down (cheaper than taking the mini-van trust me) and then the day before guess who throws up on the freshly shampooed carpet? I'll give you a hint, Mollie.

Not only does she throw up but in multiple places on the carpet. We have little vomit patches everywhere. It's like she was aiming for specific parts of the floor, targets if you will. This was Thursday, and we are set to leave for st George on Friday. I'm ready to cry again ( no wonder moms do it so much). Later that night, guess who is also feeling sick. Lukas. Oh boy, it looks like we are about to repeat Kara's birthday all over again. 

But, by 2 pm, guess who's feeling better, and by feeling better I mean is back to " washing the dishes" and putting on make up, and bossing everyone around. No its not Kara, it's Mollie! This means that whatever the kids have its only like a four hour bug. I almost drive to Nikki's school to bring her home to infect her with it so that she can be over it by tomorrow (I'm such a good dad.)

Well, we made it to St George, I ran my race, and afterwards I couldn't walk for a week, let alone go down stairs. We finally got a vacation, and now we're back... And it seems like we never left. 

Laundry

I never really had to worry about laundry growing up as a kid. My mom always did it. That's probably why I didn't have to worry about it. Until I got in to High School and sports and stuff and I had more laundry than the average kid. And my laundry was nasty. But there was one way to do it, warm, with soap, and then dry (sometimes if I got behind I would just wear a semi-wet T-shirt to school until it air dried).

Then I got married, and I was introduced to girl clothes. My clothes were made of one of two materials, cotton, or denim. Made life simple. Girl clothes are made of everything, silk, paisley (I don't know what that really is, just heard it somewhere), weird meshy stuff, bra material, spandex, pre-shrunk stuff, wool, egyptian cotton (what's wrong with our cotton?), and that other expensive wool crap, oh and leather. I'm probably forgetting several, or a lot, but it's like the shoes my wife has, they are varied.

So I have done laundry before, let me just get that out of the way, so this isn't a story of me not knowing how to start a washing machine and stuff. Instead this is me slowly destroying my wife's wardrobe. It's not really malicious (although some things were taken out intentionally) but most of them were either lost, or completely ruined on my part.

First Victim: Lace outer shirt. Did you know you aren't supposed to put these in the dryer? Apparently they melt.

Second Victim: Skirts- All of my wife's floor length skirts are pretty much knee length skirts right now. It said pre-shrunk, apparently they missed this one.... and that one...... well all of them.

Third victim: Anything with straps. You know the dryer spins right? Better make sure you put those straps in so they aren't stuck in the door when you shut it.

That's enough with the victims, it's story time. So before we moved to student housing, we had a washer and dryer (man we were livin' then) and it was normal to put in a load before going to bed and wake up the next day and pop it in the dryer. Usually I did this under my wife's supervision. Since moving here I have learned a thing or two about our laundry facility.

First is that you can't do all of your laundry in two machines. If you attempt this all you get is a washing machine that almost shakes itself off the pedestal, and soapy, sopping wet laundry that isn't clean. I actually found a core of dry laundry in the center of one of these laundry balls. I inevitably had to expand from two machines to eight (such a waste).

Second, you need to put the towels in a separate dryer, and add on at least two extra cycles. You also need to get your crap out and moved over or else someone will move your laundry out for you so they can have your machine (especially on Monday). For some strange reason, everyone does laundry on Monday. I learned this the hard way because after attempting to dry everything together on one cycle, at night, and then coming  back the morning of, all my laundry smelled like Lukas's feet, and I had to start the whole process over again. Not really very fun.

So to sum up, I suck at laundry, and my wife has fewer clothes because of it. My clothes are fine because my wardrobe is made up of old race T-shirts, shorts, and other things made of cotton that have been washed so many times, pre-shrunk doesn't even begin to describe it. Spread out your wash, even to the point where you might have a T-shirt and a pair of jeans in one washer, or else the evil washer will start acting like the government and demand you give it more for less of what you were getting before (sorry I'm watching CNN while typing this).

I'm an idiot

So I wasn't going to share this story, but then my wife convinced me I should, and right now it's almost 1 am and I am still at work, just waiting for pictures to download, and I don't really see how it's all that bad of a story (probably because I am so tired right now).

So this story takes place about three weeks ago. We had been invited to go over to our neighbor's house to watch the BYU/Virginia game and have a little football party. The kids were excited, I was excited, I mean even Kara was feeling pretty good and not nauscious (that's not how you spell it but it's late and I can't figure out spell check right now).

For those of you unfamiliar with my TV viewing habits, I typically don't watch a ton of it. I will enjoy the occasional series, and some Phineas and Ferb if time permits (only when there is no Shawn the Sheep) but what I really enjoy is some good college football. To me it's literally the most wonderful time of the year. I think I like it better than Christmas. If I were a hunter, I would probably like it even more, if I could watch football while hunting.

So we go to our friend's house and here is where I do something stupid. We have brought snacks, and there are snacks already there, and snacks still being prepared. I see our friend's oldest son with a bowl of peppers (which I thought were just regular Bell peppers) sitting in front of the garbage can just shelling them out, getting rid of all the seeds and the stuff in the middle. So I jump in and start helping.

Now my wife has been to culinary school, and knows a lot about food and how to prepare it.

I blame this one partially on her.

We weren't wearing gloves, and they weren't Bell peppers. They were the other kind, the HOT kind. The ones that if you handle them too much, you will get blisters on your hands. Our son's friend had shelled about 20, I had done about five. My hands were soon on fire.

That's OK, I can deal with it, there's football to watch, I'm OK with a little heat.

It's still burning, and getting worse. I'm trying to relax, so I grab a soda and pop open the can, and drink. Did you know that stuff on peppers can travel to WHATEVER YOU TOUCH. No sooner do I lift the Dr Pepper (yes very appropriate I know) then my lips start to burn as well.

Our neighbors kid is in serious pain now, and me being a stupid immature guy, make fun of him. Of course this was before my hands and mouth started burning, so I think God was punishing me a little bit.

I grab some milk, drink it, and kind of sit there with my mouth getting coated with the sweet coolness, but no sooner do I remove the milk that my mouth burns again, along with my hands. I need to thoroughly wash them. So I head to the bathroom, wash my hands, and then (Here's where idiocy crescendos) I use the bathroom.

I should have learned my lesson with the soda can.  That stuff on peppers can travel to WHATEVER YOU TOUCH. I'm an idiot, and now I think I'm getting a blister. I head out of the bathroom just as the heat hits my nether regions. I think to myself  "I'm cool, it's just some quick contact, it should be OK." I was OK for about two minutes before I headed over to where Kara was sitting and whispered (my whisper is more like a regular person's talking voice) "We need to go home....like NOW."

She has no idea what is going on (well a little bit but she has no idea about where it's burning now) but I bolt for the door and head home while she gathers the kids. I jump in the shower and out of habit instantly rub my face. IDIOT! What do I do now? My hands burn, my eyes burn, my junk burns, and any heat in the shower felt like I was being prodded with a red hot poker. COLD, I NEEDED COLD. I started to fill the bathtub. Kara mentioned something about Vinegar helping. I'm desperate so I grab some and "apply" it. Should have thought that one through too. Vinegar is an acid, and it just intensifies the sensation.

Also at this point the smell of the Vinegar forces Kara to retreat to the bedroom, so I am all by myself to deal with this "problem". I eventually run enough cool water over my "areas" to make me functional. I come out of the bathroom and there is Kara on the bed doing something on the computer. I then explain what happened and she tells me that she was wondering why we weren't wearing gloves while handling the peppers.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?"

"Well I didn't want to be rude."

"Please, be rude next time, I will forgive you."

I get dressed, and then head back over to the neighbors to finish watching the game (after the rain delay) and to break the news to their son that he shouldn't pee for at least a week.

I'm an IDIOT!

LDS Pilgrimage

So I'm not gonna lie, this post probably won't be very funny, and I know that's why everyone reads this blog. I admit it's funny to hear about how I mess up being a stay at home dad, and my successes, and Mollie..... well everything about Mollie, she's just funny, Lukas' obsession with sports, spiderman, and now Missionaries, and anger management with Nikki. But today it's pretty much all about me, well my photography, and my job. I have a great job that allows me to travel quite a bit and lets me see a lot of the country, and because of this I get to see some really cool church (LDS) history sites.

Now if you happen to not be familiar with the LDS faith and it's history, these images will probably be just a little bit confusing, and wondering specifically "Why?" In the LDS culture, there are several places where the Saints (That's what we call ourselves) have lived and then moved on afterwards, eventually settling in Salt Lake City.

To make things a little clearer, think of Salt Lake City as an LDS Mecca, and these other sites as pilgrimage trails. Well in the last two weeks I got to go to 2 of these,  and they're pretty big as far as LDS Pilgrimage locations go. I hit up Kirtland, AND Nauvoo within a week of each other. While I was at Kirtland the missionaries there said all I need now is to get to Palmyra within the year and I'll be good.

It was a real great experience, looking at the history of the church and seeing what used to be and what could have been. Just think what would have happened if the LDS church had not been kicked out of all these locations and just gathered all the Saints there? I mean seriously there was a lot of people in these cities at the time, and now they only have populations of less than a thousand.

When I was walking through Nauvoo specifically, I felt a palpable sadness. Not that the people were sad, but it was kind of like thinking back on playing football, remembering how happy you were playing it, and then in that same moment, knowing that you will NEVER play football again (sorry it's the best analogy I got, go ahead and substitute the word football for something else like running or monopoly).

Nauvoo, this is the site that greeted me as I came into the town. I had a great opportunity to do a temple session as well. 

Kirtland Ohio, The Newell K Whitney Store, Joseph and Emma Smith lived here for a while, school of the prophets was here, and we received the Word of Wisdom.

N. K. Whitney Store Baskets

I'd like to say this is an original book of commandments (what is now the Doctrine and Covenants) but it's just a prop.

The table is an original piece of furniture from the house.

Corn/Bowl

The Kirtland Temple, currently owned by the Community of Christ.

Kirtland Temple

Flowers outside the Nauvoo Temple.

Joseph and Hyrum Smith.

Nikki and the guitar

Nikki and Lukas were bored one day, well pretty much everyday. If they don't have anything to do for five minutes they decide it's time to bug dad until he yells. SO, the other day Nikki was flipping through Netflix and she wanted to watch the Katy Perry documentary. I thought about it for a minute while it was loading (I initially said yes) but then I told her it probably isn't a good show for her to watch (She is only 7 and I don't think we need to sexualize our kids any earlier). 

So for an alternative (she still wanted to watch a music show) we turned on Taylor Swift documentary. The other option was the Justin Bieber movie or Spice World, both of which will make anyone vomit (trust me, I sat through all of spice world as a teenager, and I refuse to let Nikki watch Justin Bieber, or Barney). Within five minutes Nikki starts asking questions, such as "Is she famous? Is she really playing that guitar, did she write all those songs? How much money does she make?"  You see Nikki has this fascination with being famous. She really, REALLY wants to be famous. I'm not sure if it's just famous but I think she wants to be rich as well.  Yeah I know, I have some work cut out for me as a father to teach her the truth about happiness, but this thing got her interested in music. She asked about guitars, because she saw Ms Taylor Swift playing the guitar, a sparkly one. I told her that I had one (not a sparkly one, just a regular guitar) and from then on there was no quiet in the house. Every five minutes she kept asking me to go to the storage unit and get the guitar. Lukas didn't know what she was talking about, but when I finally brought home the guitar, he understood, and wanted one too.

Then she wanted to learn how to play the guitar. Strike that. She didn't want to learn, she just wanted to play it. When I started to teach her about the basics of the guitar, like frets, strings, and how to hold the thing, she just said "No dad, I just want to learn how to play the guitar, I don't need all this."  Well sorry. 

I think that she had this idea that by just holding the guitar she would magically transform into a Taylor Swift-esque superstar without doing any work whatsoever. She was mistaken. I tried and I tried and she finally just took the guitar in her room to learn by herself to play. 

Today (Sunday, three days later) she came to me and wanted to learn. The novelty had worn off a little bit, and she realized that in order to make something sound good, she needed to learn something. It's like on Bill and Ted's Excellent adventure at the very end when the Wild Stallions are trying to decide how to get better. "Maybe it's time we get Eddie Van Halen?-Bill, Maybe It's time we learned how to play?-Ted." Both nod heads. Touching moment really. So today I taught her the strings, frets, and the first little bit of Mary had a little lamb. She's getting there, and she plays everything by ear (like her dad) but she is really getting interested in Music. If it keeps up Kara and I have talked about getting her lessons and a guitar that actually fits her (she has to play this one hawaiian style). 

I did look up how much a sparkly guitar was, and I think I'm just going to take the one that we have and get some glue and sparkles. Much easier.

So if any of you know any guitar teachers in the area, please let me know.

Working from home?

What a great idea. I'll bet the majority of you think "Working from home would be so great, no commute, I can see my family more, and I can get so much work done." I hate to break it to ya, but that's a big fat LIE.

So that's what I do most of the time. For so long I would commute to a job, work at the job, then commute home. I kept thinking that working from home would be so great.

I wish I had an office to go to.

Seriously some days I just want to go to the office, that magic place where I can actually get some work done in a timely manner.

Lets take an example. I work using the program Illustrator, it's basically a drawing program. I receive work orders through my e-mail that are very specific so I have to reference them back and forth between my mail program and Illustrator and to make things smoother I use keyboard shortcuts (you'll understand why I am giving all this background info in a minute).

So here it goes:

E-mail comes in

Check e-mail

"Dad Lukas hit me!"

Resolve issue.

Resume e-mail checking,

"Dad when can we go outside?" (Nikki)
"I wanna go outside too!" (Lukas)
"me toooo!" (that's Mollie)
"No It's quiet time" (That's me)

Make a quarter turn towards my computer screen

"But I don't want to be quiet" (Obviously)

Ignore.

"Dad I want a snack." (Lukas)
"We just ate Lunch" (Well we did, you just looked at it and said it was yucky)
"I'm still hungry"
"Eat your lunch it's still there on the table" (Note to self, do dishes before Kara is coherent enough to care, but not early enough that it has a chance to get messy again so I have to clean it twice.)

Click on Illustrator icon

"MOLLIE WHAT THE..(Insert Mollie shenanigan here)"  (Swear words in my head)

Stand up, clean up whatever it was that Mollie was ruining. Check clock, if it's anywhere close to afternoon, guess what, Mollie is getting a nap.

11:45, close enough.

Turn on netflix for the Kids.

Sit down in chair.

"Dad the Wii isn't working."
"Why do you want the Wii?"
"For Netflix"
"Use the Roku"
"We can't find the remote." (Nikki)
"Is it in your room? You usually take it in there to prevent Lukas from changing shows and having any decision making power ever." (Me)

"Will you help me find it?"
"No"

Begin re-reading e-mail

"I NEED TO GO POTTY!" (Lukas)
panic rush to the bathroom.
"I'm done!" (translation, come wipe my butt please!)
"Did you poop?"
"No"
"Then you know what to do"
"But I need help"
"No you don't"

Begin again to re-read e-mail.
Select file to open.

"I need a baked potato from Wendy's" (Kara)
"Now?"
"Oh yeah, now."
"Ok, I'll be right back."
"Can you take the kids?"
Swearing in my head that I now have to find shoes.
"Sure!" (me wondering if all the fun we had making the baby was worth this.......... Yep!)

Go to Wendy's.
Return from Wendy's.

Mollie is UP
Mollie is in my chair.
Mollie is typing something.... all over the file that I was working with. She has also e-mailed my boss a message of pure gibberish. Boss thinks I am having a stroke and felt like I needed to e-mail it Monty Python Style. "He must have died while carving it." -Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

Now have to start all over again.
Not a huge problem because I only got past three steps anyway.

It's now 5:00 and the workday is over. Whew.
Wow working from home is so.......relaxing!

School Shopping

The summer is winding down. The days are getting shorter, the afternoon's a little lazier, and sound of children's laughter will soon be replaced by the ringing of the school bell.

And we are approaching "The Most Wonderful Time.... of the Year!" No it's not Christmas, it's FOOTBALL SEASON! I like to commemorate this holiday by sending the children to learning activities for about 9 hours a day, and in order to do this they need some type of outfitting. Luckily the professional shopper is still available to help out in this department, before she heads into her harriest semester ever and I lose her to the clutches of that monster, Academia. 

Basically this next semester Kara is taking on a huge workload and will also be a TA (for which she gets paid, pretty excited for that) but that also means that even when she is home, she won't be home, because she will be studying and non-responsive to anything I do, unless I do something wrong, which will probably happen. It's probably going to be a ploy on my part to just get attention. I'm just warning you that weird stuff is going to happen this semester, because it will basically be me and Mollie, and Mollie has some crazy ideas when it comes to fun. 

Oh yeah, that reminds me, Lukas is starting pre-school too. So with the new school year, Kara is at Grad School, Nikki is in Elementary, Lukas is in Pre-school, and Mollie and I will have some uber-bonding experiences. I just hope she doesn't decide to give up on naps, or learns how to take off her diaper (Mollie, not Nikki or Kara). 

So my little dude is so excited to start pre-school. Today we went to the Disney store and bought him a backpack, because what better place to buy a backpack than the company that embraces capitalism at it's finest, DISNEY! Actually we weren't planning on getting him one there, but it was only twelve bucks, spiderman, and it would save us a trip later. So we got it, and as soon as we bought it for Lukas, Nikki immediately feels that she deserves something too. She begins picking out comparable items in price and keeps asking 

"Can I have this?"

 I respond with a question, "Did you bring your money?"

"But Dad Lukas got something!"

 She has conveniently forgotten that just two days ago we purchased a brand new backpack, lunch box and shoes for her, amidst the exact same cries emanating from Lukas, except Lukas said ,

"Dad go home and get some money so you can buy me something."

We should have never bought them anything.... ever.

How would that be, if you just bought your kids the bare essentials (which is probably what we can afford right now). What if they had to make their own toys, or actually keep their old toys nice? What would the world come to? This is what I usually think about every time we do Christmas or Birthday shopping. Since we live in such a small apartment right now I mostly think 

"Where are we going to put this crap?"

I can't really use the excuse "When I was a kid I had ONE TOY and it was missing an arm, and I fixed it so I could play with it for twelve years. And my room was immaculate, I always did my homework in class, I scored the winning touchdown, girls thought I was hot, and my feet don't smell" 

which I know is completely bogus because I had a ton of toys and my feet STINK!

So we continually buy our kids stuff, but with school stuff at least it's stuff that they have already worn out the previous year so it NEEDS to be replaced. I don't know if that makes me feel better or not. I wonder if I can use that excuse "This television is the one I had last year and so I need a new one." For College, I used the same three backpacks over and over. I actually used one and the other two were just messenger bags that I bought when I wanted to be hip, but they could only hold like two books. As an art major you need to bring whole trunk of supplies with you, so I bought a backpack at the gap for $10.

Man I am really off on a tangent tonight. Probably because this blog post was interrupted halfway (guess where it was). So we went shopping for backpacks for Nikki and Mollie wanted one too. I know it's always Mollie who is usually the instigator, but.....she is.  Here is the footage.

You may ask yourself why I am filming this instead of stopping her. The answer to that is this is the third time she has done this, and the first two parenting techniques did not work, so I decided to embrace my parenting fail.

So I decided to be a good parent and put Mollie back in her stroller, and little miss Hairy Houdini escaped, and this is my attempt to keep her in the stroller. As you can see she is not very happy with me.

And here we are at the Disney store where she pulls the same thing again. Obviously my parenting techniques really work.

Hey guess what?

I used a question mark at the end because I am not sure how to properly word this. You would think I would be better at this because I've done it three times already. I usually try and come up with something really cool to announce it and we succeeded pretty well for the first two, but have kind of run out of ideas since number three. Seriously, first one we wrote a letter that we read at thanksgiving basically making fun of everyone in the family, second we had Nikki announce it via our other blog that has since gone private so we can write about all of the craziness in our lives in private and not worry about offending people  (I'm not even invited to that one so don't feel bad if you can't read it anymore. My wife changed the password the other day and I forgot she did and I thought she was trying to hide a third family or something. She already has a second and I'm ok with that, because it helps to have another breadwinner with how much food Mollie likes to waste).

If you haven't figured it out by now, Kara and I have decided that we make way too much money and that we should give some of it to the hospital because hospitals are in need of money all the time. We're planning on donating it over the next nine/eight months and then continue these generous donations for several more years afterwards. But don't worry, we're not coming away empty handed. No sir/madam. In exchange we get a two night stay at the hospital (maybe three if we're lucky), unlimited ice in a cup, night gown laundering service (only if you use their nightgowns, which I'm gonna), cable television with a speaker that comes out of your remote, and a tax write off that expires in 18-24 years. 

We've also been thinking that we have Wayyyyy too much space in our spacious 750 sq apartment.

So here's the real story. A few months ago I felt like someone was missing from our family. I talked to Kara about it and she felt the same way.  We prayed about it (man did we ever pray about this one) and we knew that it was our choice as to what would happen ( Heavenly Father does that to us a lot, makes us make our own decisions and be grown ups, except for our career path for some strange reason). We decided that we needed this child in our family and that he was a part of it just like Lukas and Mollie and Nikki, and that it wouldn't be the same without him.

So we made the decision, and now we ( actually mainly Kara, my part was over four weeks ago, now I'm basically a food delivery guy) are four weeks into another huge medical bill. Welcome to the family little person.

July

I couldn't really choose a specific theme for this post because there has been so much going on. I could have named it 4th of July/Nikki's birthday/did you hear the news I went to Lagoon/Spudman, but then there wouldn't be much to write about. Well there would be but then all you would be reading is my endless and witty remarks about life. But that's what you read the blog for, so let's press on.

So July was a crazy busy month, so crazy that I haven't been able to blog anything until now, and even now I can barely keep my eyes open I am so tired. The reason being is that Kara does not have school and my work is a little slower. So Kara drags me and the kids off to some activity or other at every spare moment. It's like summer is going to get away from us without us doing all the things you are supposed to do in summer, like Fishing (haven't done that yet, but I think it's planned). So here is a brief overview of the month of July (and if I forget something it is not because I don't think it's important, it's just there has been so much that I can't remember it all).

4th of July and Klc Family Reunion- These two were rolled into one weekend, and I think there was something else that happened that weekend but I can't quite remember. 4th of July was pretty standard, wake up, watch parade, encourage our children to run out into the street to get candy from perfect strangers in cars. Sounds like fun. Family reunion: When Klc's get together it gets loud. For all you people who know me, you know that I can't whisper. I'm constantly being told this by my wife when in church I am trying to whisper something funny and they can hear me at the pulpit. Put 8 boys who have the same difficulty, plus no waiting room, and you have the Klc family reunion. Add in camping in the backyard of my parents house and a freak thunderstorm in the middle of the night and you have comedic genius.  Very exhausting yet very fun weekend, especially watching my brother Philip spin around 10 times with a baseball bat and try and run in a straight line. Youtube funny!

Nikki's Birthday- 5 Girls in the mini-van singing "Call Me Maybe!" When did Nikki get into Music? Seriously she is growing up too fast. The good thing though is that she still doesn't like boys (but I think she has crushes, at least that's what Kara tells me). Now I am not one of those dad's who threatens kids with a shotgun when they take my daughter out. Nope, I'm going to do the old cheaper by the dozen thing, where I ride in the backseat the whole time during the date (of course the guy has to pay for me too).  I'm just kidding. When Nikki does get married I just hope she marries a guy who loves her with all of his heart, has a testimony of the gospel, and a deep passion for college football.

Nikki's birthday was at Color Me Mine, and I made a mug.

Kara made a plate.

Lagoon! You know when you are baking something and you open up the oven and you get hit with all that hot air? Now add rides and you have our day at Lagoon! We went on Harmon's Lagoon Day (Kara's sister works for Harmon's, so we tagged along and got some cheap food and free drinks).  Nikki on this day was a little bit cautious. She didn't want to go on as many rides as we thought she would. Lukas on the other hand went on everything at least once, and usually once was enough. I was proud of him for only going on Bulgy the Whale once. After his first time he was done. Mollie surprised me as well, and she got to go on more rides than normal, like The dragon which is a very fast spinning ride. Speaking of spinning rides, I am not as young as I used to be, and even when I was young I still got sick on the screamer. This time I got sick on the bumper cars (the little ones, I got dizzy watching Mollie go in circles). I guess I am just getting old..... er. I'm still not old. I won't be old until .... well I'll keep you updated. Once I get old, I'll tell ya.  It'll probably be when I have to order those special purple pills.

Deer Creek. This was another whirlwind vacation. Let's call this the Rytting family reunion. Where the Klc family reunion was crazy, the Rytting family reunion was low key and chill. Except for the part where I made Philip swim across the reservoir with me to get an open water swim in before our big triathlon. And when I say across the reservoir, I am taking the shortest route possible across, which happened to be a Bay, where no boats were going anyway, and I think you could stand up in the middle. It was good though, it got the freak out impulse out of the way. After  our children were sufficiently dirty from playing in the sand/mud we loaded them up in the car and headed to our hotel, the Holiday Inn Express in Heber. There we swam some more, ate some more, and didn't sleep at all, because we all know that when children and grow-ups are in the same hotel room, no one sleeps.

Johnson Mill: This is a continuation of an earlier post about Kara's ruined birthday, which was a trip to our favorite Bed and Breakfast, Johnson Mill (Heber City). We were finally able to get away for the night, and it was too short. I think you need at least two days away from the kids before you feel truly relaxed. I must say I am proud of my wife for not waking up the next day at 7 am and trying to get the day going (she used to do this a lot on vacation, especially on days when we could sleep in). Thankfully we slept in until Breakfast time.

The Spudman: That was today. Like really it was. This was planned WAYYYY back in January when registration for this race opened up. My brother Thomas signed up, posted it on facebook. Then my sis in law Corinne registered. Then I did, then Matt, and Philip, and Alex (not necessarily in that order). Corinne ended up not doing it because she got pregnant and figured that was a good enough excuse not to. I've never been pregnant so I can't say one way or the other, but I'm going to err on the side of caution and say it's legitimate. So we trained, and trained, and I hurt my ankle at a trampoline park, I stopped training (when I say we trained, I'm really saying me, because I never saw anyone train, except Philip and that was two days before the race. I'm just assuming everyone trained because they all finished, and finished well). We travelled to Burley for yet another overnighter, and this night the children slept, and slept well, unlike their dad who kept having dreams of being in the hunger games (the new trailer makes the games look an awful lot like a triathlon), evil mermaids (thanks for that image Philip and Alex) and overall list making to make sure I didn't forget my bike back in Provo.

We arrive at the race, and by the way, our van broke down and needed new brakes while we were in Burley. So thank you to Corinne and Thomas for being our taxis this weekend. Don't know what we would have done without you. The swim starts, 2nd wave is Philip, Matt and Alex. For some reason they are at the very front of the horde as the wave begins. Thrashing and panic begin, while Thomas and I enjoy a good chuckle, but they eventually get their bearings and move on. Next is mine and Thomas's wave (ten minutes after the previous). We are ready to rock n roll, the gun goes off and we are gone. I somehow manage to get out of the water first (when I say first I mean ahead of Thomas, not FIRST. Freak that would be awesome if I were first. But you probably can't do that when you backstroke most of the swim). I'm out of the water, and I get to transition and see Matt and Phil just about to leave on their bikes. I say hi, strip off my wetsuit, grab some GU (basically a gallon of ice cream reduced down to a 3 oz packet), put on my helmet and head out on the bike just as Thomas arrives. I'm feeling pretty good. I catch Alex first, pass him. Then Matt and eventually Philip. At this point I am "in the lead" and I start getting a little bit cocky, when I hear behind me "Hey Andrew!" and my hopes are dashed. Crap. It's Thomas and he has caught up with me. We chat for a wee bit before he books it in front of me. Well, there goes my goal of beating everyone. The bike finishes and I head out on the run, and I feel pretty good. I have new shoes and everyone knows new shoes make you faster (every pre-schooler knows that. Just ask Lukas he'll tell you). At this point the rain starts, which is a welcome sight because I would rather have rain than bright sunshine on race day.

Anyway, I finish my race, 5 minutes behind Thomas, and before Philip, Matt and Alex. We all feel good, and Kara and the kids were there to see me at every transition. That's what I loved about this whole thing, and that is the fact that this was a family event. It was great to see my family at the finish line, and my brothers in the race.

So that was July. We also went to a ward barbecue right after the Spudman. July was great, and it was a lot of fun, but I sure hope that August is a little more low key. I do need some suggestions for what race to do next. I'm pretty sure I am going to do the Aquathon at Seven Peaks Resort. My good friend Jimmy is running it and it would be fun to do it together.

Deer Creek Reservoir. 24th of July!

Nikki's Birthday party at Color Me Mine!

Look Dad we put on our own make-up today. Don't we look beautiful?.............Of Course!

Oh yeah, Lukas and I went to a Team USA soccer game. He still chants "USA" whenever he sees a Real Salt Lake Jersey.

Lagoon Space kiddie ride.

Driving in Circles.

Nikki

A little over 7 years ago, a small little girl changed our lives forever, and is determined to keep the ship rockin'. Meet Nikki, my oldest. She just barely turned 7 and is the most lively, creative, and fun loving person that I know. This whole post is dedicated to my daughter Nikki.

Nikki is a very social person. Let me re-phrase that, she LIVES AND DIES by her friends. Right now at this very moment she is outside planning a circus with all her little friends in the complex. Earlier she got a scrape on her foot that took off some of the flesh and she was more upset about missing the circus than the pain from the foot. She put on two band-aids and a shoe and continued on with the show. Ever since she was little she has been social. Her first little friend was her cousin Ryan. These two literally love each other, like brother and sister. Actually better than brother and sister because they actually get along. They pretty much grew up together. Back when we were living in Salt Lake, when I was at work Kara would take Nikki to her sister's house, or vice versa, and they'd both eventually end up at Target. Needless to say, Ryan and Nikki got a lot of play time together, and it has been a real blessing for the both of them. They're pretty alike too. Both have red hair...... yeah that's about it.

Anyway, Friends, Nikki has always sought them out. Even when we go someplace where she doesn't know anybody, if there is anyone who is even remotely the same age, or can even talk, she'll make a friend. Splash pad, she'll find a friend. Kids Zone at the Mall, BFF in five minutes. I think she even made a friend in the bathroom one time. Where ever we go she always seeks out friends, and she remembers them and picks up right where they left off. And Nikki is not just about having friends, she is also very in to being a good friend. She is sensitive about how other people are feeling. Are they left out? Are they hurt? Did they eat too much sugar and need to vomit? ya know the usual stuff. She's very sensitive.

Family: In those few hours during the month when Nikki is not playing with friends, she spends it with us, her family. She is currently the champion at Just Dance 4, Mall Madness, Connect 4, and Headbandz. The family is important to Nikki, and she is a great big sister to her brother Lukas and her little sister Mollie.

She is artistic. When we went to Europe a few years ago for a study abroad, one thing that Nikki wanted was a sketch book (I usually have one for work or school all the time) so she could draw while we were going through the museums. Here is my little girl in the Louvre and the Musee D'Orsay, sitting cross legged in front of priceless works of art, and she is sketching her rendition of it (oh and she was 3 years old at the time). I think she follows after me, which hopefully that's a good thing.

Smart: This is where she follows after her mom. Nikki is incredibly intelligent and figures out things on her own. One time when she was at the doctor's office with Kara for a pregnancy check-up (Lukas was on the way) she was looking at all the posters on the wall and came to a cross section of a baby inside of a woman's tummy (I don't know how to say that with tact anymore, I've been a dad for too long) and she had the epiphany and she suddenly understood and put together in her mind how a baby grows.  She turns to Kara and says "It's a baby! That's a baby!" The light bulb had turned on. I believe she gets this gene from Kara because Kara is much smarter than me.

Cute: Have you seen my children? Seriously they're adorable. Everyone tells me so. People see my kids and they instantly want to procreate (well not right there, they go home first), that's how adorable my kids are. Nikki is no exception. People would stop us just to tell us how beautiful she was/is. Now she just tells us herself. But I can't say anything any more because I'm her dad and she gets embarrassed whenever I even open my mouth (but so does Kara but for other reasons). Which brings me to this last little bit.

She's growing up. Seriously, I've been at this for 7 years already. It seems like 2 at the most. Time completely flies with your kids. The problem with this is that I am scared that one day I'm going to wake up and my kids aren't going to want to play with me anymore, unless I buy a boat, then they'll want to play with the boat with their friends and leave me home. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE seeing them grow up, but every so once in a while I just cry, and it's usually when I'm listening to a country song or that Youtube video about Dads comes on. That's one thing that Nikki has done to me is she has turned me into the biggest boob in the world. I cried while watching Hook the other night (good movie by the way). That's not the worst of it, I've cried in some pretty dumb shows and for no apparent reason. Look what you've done to me Nikki, you've caused my whole tear duct system to malfunction.


Yeah that's the one. Nikki I love you, and I will always be your daddy. I may be a blubbering mess on your wedding day, but at least you know that I love you.

Love

Daddy

Body Parts

Lukas has been asking some questions lately, questions that almost all little boys ask, and some that I have never heard before in my life. But the way I see it, kids questions are a way for us to glimpse how they see the world.

First question: Where did Jesus get all the eyeballs?

What? Like literally, what are you talking about little man. I had to have him repeat it several times, and Lukas gladly did. He's not like an adult where if you ask them to repeat themselves multiple times they give up and tell you to forget about it.

"Hey there's a bomb."

Me: "What?"

"A Bomb!"

"What? A gong?"

"No, there's a... oh never mind."

So I asked Lukas to repeat it several times and I finally got it all in its entirety, and I was still lost. So I asked him to explain. This would have been the easier thing to do, but hey, I thought I should do it last Ok.
His response:

"Jesus made everybody, where did he get all of the eyeballs?"

?

Yeah, I got nothing. So I did what smart people do, they answer a questions with a question.

"Well, where do you think Jesus got the eyeballs?"

"I asked you Daddy."

Crap, now I have to come up with something. So I take a shot at the truth.

"Well, where do babies grow?"

"In Mommy's tummy."

"There, that's where the eyeballs grow too."

And that seemed to satisfy him.

Now for question number two I need to give a little bit of background. Lukas and Mollie are little enough that we usually bathe them together. That will not be happening anymore.

Question Number 2 is: "When did Mollie's penis break off?"

"What?"

"When did Mollie's penis break off?"

At this point Kara happened to be listening in and explained to Lukas that girls don't have penises.
Lukas looked at us with a look of confusion and perplexity. "They don't? Well then what do they have?"

So we told him, and then he asked, "How do they go potty?"

Shoot this is going downhill fast. So we answered him (we feel it is very important to answer the questions our children ask) and then we distracted him with a ball.

On a lighter note

My wife pointed out to me yesterday that a lot of my posts recently have not been very uplifting, and more along the glass is half empty type of tone. So I think I just might have to change that. Yes, it's been difficult starting this new phase of our lives, and it's come with a lot of challenges, but there have also been some really great things happening.

For Example:

1. My kids are much closer to each other. This is probably due to the reduction in living space. When you don't have as much room to play, you tend to run into each other more.

2. Less Stuff. Some people would call this a negative, but it's really a positive. We've learned that we really don't need that much stuff, especially me. When we first were packing we got rid of a ton of stuff, and since we have moved we have realized that we need even less. I've gone through our closets twice since we first moved here and "reduced" as much as I can. And as far as toys go, if the kids don't see them, they don't realize that they miss them (unless it's a favorite toy.

3. Fewer Ties. Not like family ties, I'm talking actual, physical neck ties. Not that I really ever wore them before, but as I have progressed in my career, I have had to don fewer and fewer ties. When I was working at JayLynn Studios, a tie was required. Now at work I tend to dress more like this guy.

No tie thank you very much.

Of course if I do get a teaching job this all might change.

4. I get to talk to my kids. We all know what it's like to come home from work and be so completely exhausted and just spent that you don't have the energy to do anything. Since I am around so much more the kids really tend to open up to me and we get to have some real good heart to heart talks. I got a chance to talk to Nikki a lot about Heavenly Father, Baptism, Boys (yes those conversations have started, but luckily it's mostly about how gross they are). Lukas cuddles with me more, and Mollie comes to me for comfort. Like while I was writing this, Mollie stepped right over Kara (and on her hair) to come and sit on my lap. Love that.

5. Kara and I understand each other better. This is probably one of the best things. Kara understands how nice it is to come home to a clean house, folded laundry, and a hot meal (this has happened maybe once, but she has gotten a taste of it) and I understand all those times when I would come home and the house would look like a bomb went off, but the kids are happy (this is the norm for me when I'm home). I think that we are just developing a better respect for the work that we have done for each other in the past. 

Romantic Bed and Breakfast stay RUINED!

So, from my last post, you can tell that I didn't do too well for Kara's birthday. But that's because I had everything planned for today. I had a babysitter set-up to watch the kids, and I had reservations at Johnson Mill Bed and Breakfast in Heber (www.johnsonmill.com trust me you won't be disappointed). We have been so excited to go, just Kara and I. We were even going to do some cycling up there.

This morning I woke up at 6 am and went running (which means the alarm went off at six and I got out of bed at 6:20) and for the first time in like 4 months, no pain in my ankle. Yay. Good thing, I have a triathlon in a little over a month. I came home, showered and logged on to teach my class. For some strange reason, the student who I am doing a directed study did not log in, wasn't communicating or something, so I just sent her a message that said we were going to do it another time.

We then let the kids go outside to play while Kara and I cleaned the car before heading up to Johnson Mill. The kids were happy, Mollie ran around with her new bubble lawn mower, life was good. Soon it was time to go. Bags were packed, Bikes on the rack, kids in their chairs. We make a quick stop at the Library to drop off some books and then to SmashBurger for some lunch. Here's where it sucks (not smashburger, Smashburger is delicious).

As I am chomping down on a delicious mushroom swiss burger, I hear from the back seat a cough, and then another, and then that sound that precludes the action of involuntary stomach contractions.

Lukas threw up.

But just a little.

Luckily we got a bag under his chin just in time. Kara read the warning signs like a pro, and instinctively grabbed the Smashburger bag, ejected the contents (Luckily the fries were safe in a cup holder, and my burger was in my hand), and caught the vomit. Shortly afterwards Lukas tells us that he's not sick anymore, so Kara and I agree that he probably just gagged on some of his food. Sounds reasonable enough. We call Grandma anyway to see if she is OK watching a possibly sick Lukas. She gives us the go ahead and we head up to Salt Lake.

We got to American Fork.

Different sound this time. This one sounded like your garbage disposal when it's clogged and trying to chop up everything in it. Kara missed it this time, because it was coming from Mollie. Yes we had two vomitous children, and one having a panic attack because she's sitting in between two puking kids. I don't know who was worse, Nikki or the sick kids. She kept freaking out that she was going to get sick. We let her out of the back seat while we cleaned up Mollie, stripped her down to a diaper, sopped up all the puke from the back seat, and reinserted her in her car seat. Mollie looks at me and says "My Bellybutton hurts". I guess that's a pretty accurate description.

We then head for home.

Does anyone know what a Percoset is? It's a pain killer but it also calms you down really quick. I think Nikki needed one because she was absolutely hysterical (like crazy). Between her worrying about being thrown up on and the disappointment of not going to Grandma's house she was a mess. Every time Mollie made a sound, Nikki took it as a cue that she was going to throw up, and instead of putting a bag in front of her, she just threw a blanket over her head. At one point she asked if we could pull over so she could walk home. "I know the way from here, just let me out and I'll walk!" So I did.

Oh jeesh, I'm just kidding. What kind of a father do you think I am. So we arrive home and just as we are pulling in to our complex Mollie unleashes again and covers herself in sick. It's now Laundry and Bath time. And it's not going to be one of those relaxing baths where the kids get to play. No this is a bath where there are active bogies (floaties) and chunks of stuff. Tub is filled three times. Twice for Mollie and once for Lukas (Lukas didn't get hardly any on him)

This sucks, and I know it sucks because I'm sitting here watching My Little Ponies with three sick kids instead of going off to rest and relaxation at Johnson Mill. Tonight was supposed to be a night of romance, reconnection, and NO KIDS. Now I'm holding a bucket for my kids (oh, by the way, Nikki now says she is feeling sick too.)

Kara's Birthday

Today was Kara's Birthday, and I think I blew it. No I didn't forget completely, I made the mistake of trying to set something up for the week after, telling her about it, and still trying to do something today. So it was like I did half of her birthday today, and the other half is next week. And she has a migraine.

A migraine probably caused by me. So here is how the day went. We woke up at 7:50 am (that's early for us nowadays, needs to change) and I scarf down some cereal before I have to teach my online class at 8:00 am (why did I set the time for that). So due to some bad planning, my wife had to wake up early on her birthday, feed all the kids, do the dishes, etc. I come out during the class break and she is doing laundry. I felt so bad. Good thing I bought her a gift to somehow make it up to her.

So I have to go back in to teach and I finish around 11:30 am. I come out of the bedroom, and see that Kara and the kids are outside. The sink is full of dishes and the clothes need to be put away. If I were a good husband (and I know this looking back) I would have hurried up and finished the dishes, put the clothes away, cooked dinner, and booked a hotel for the night, leaving the kids to fend for themselves (I would not have done that, please don't call DCFS). Instead I just go outside and find my wife (who at this time is starting to get a migraine but does not say anything because she is tough like that). I ask her if she wants her present, she says yes. I bring the kids inside and nearly have to threaten Nikki with her life to get her to come in from playing with friends. She says it is "Totally Unfair" and I have to remind her that today is Mommy's birthday. She then asks if I got her a present too. I have failed as a father.

Kara opens her present which is a set of jewelry that she has been eyeing for some time. I think I did good, not quite sure yet. Nikki then asks again if I got anything for her. Nikki is sent to her room. Lukas then asks what I got for him. He just did it because Nikki was doing it.

Lunch Time.

We don't really want to make lunch, and it's Kara's birthday, so we cut up the cake and eat it then, after singing Happy Birthday (with no candles). Cake was good, but then we decide to head up to Park City for the day to do some shopping (some battery acid got on Kara's nice pants.... yeah that was my fault too) so she needs some new ones.

We pack the kids in the car and Nikki throws another fit saying that we are unfair. We have to have a little sit down talk with her and talk about how when she grows up she is going to want to be friends with her family and that if she is mean to her family now (family meaning her brothers and sisters) they aren't going to want to be friends with her later. I hope she got the point, and she even offered to spend half the day with friends and the other half with family. Its a step.

We head up to Park City, and Kara shops. The only thing though is that she tends to shop for everyone but herself, and I being stupid, let her. I do manage not to wander into Nike, Pearl Izumi, or any store that I am interested in, but somehow she managed to buy me something. She found two pairs of pants that were normally $159 marked down to $6. And where did we find them? Vans? No, Banana Republic? No. Down East Outfitters, yes, the girl clothing store, in the one area that they actually sell mens stuff. I must admit they look pretty nice, but I tried some on that did not leave much to the imagination. Kara liked them, but it seems like Men's fashions are getting more form fitting and uncomfortable. Whatever happened to wide leg jeans and T-shirts? That was comfortable.

WHY WON'T YOU EAT YOUR FOOD?

I wonder how Lukas survives. The child refuses to eat anything and everything we put on the table for dinner. It doesn't matter what it is, he will shun it. We have pizza, he shuns it, Mac and Cheese, he shuns it. The weird thing is, it's just if it's dinner. He eats it if it's for lunch. Seriously, I can get him to eat all kinds of goodness for lunch, but dinner it's a completely different story.

"Lukas time for dinner."

"What's for dinner dad?"

"Gummie Bears, Chocolate Milk, and a bowl of sugar."

"Blah, I hate that. That's yucky."

Seriously, what kid can't polish off their own bowl of sugar. I mean Mollie tries to do it every time we have anything with powdered sugar. Pancakes, Crepes, Waffles, Steak.  Seriously, the kids an addict.
Lukas on the other hand won't touch anything if it is for dinner.

When I was a kid I remember (not too fondly) a night when I didn't want to eat my green beans. To a kid, green beans are liking eating ...... something really gross. Like.... cooked carrots (it's the one thing as an adult I still have not been able to learn to like that I really should like. If it were wrapped in bacon, or dipped in Nutella or Ranch dressing, I'd probably eat it). Anyway, back to the story. I held my ground and didn't eat them, and my mother held her ground and didn't let me leave the table until I had eaten them. The rest of the family finished dinner and were excused, and I was alone. They soon returned though, to do the dishes (I was too young for dishes at that time) and everything was cleaned up, except my green beans. The hour struck 9 and I had already missed all the important TV shows on that night (The Disney Sunday Movie).

I came up with a plan. I would stuff all the beans in my mouth and hold them in my cheeks. I would ask to go to the bathroom, and while in the bathroom, spit them out into the toilet. This seemed like a brilliant idea at the time, and just got better and better. I also had really chubby cheeks so I could fit a lot in there. Looking back on it, I was pretty stupid though. Stuffing them in my mouth and holding them there, only left the green bean taste in my mouth last longer. Swallowing the stuff wasn't as bad because there aren't any tastebuds in your stomach. I also think my mom was on to me, but didn't say anything as I asked to be excused. I think she was just impressed that a six year old had come up with a prison technique for smuggling. I was destined for great things in life, let me tell you.

So with that experience, we employed the same tactic to our son Lukas. He couldn't leave the table until he had eaten, well, something. He stuck it out for a good long hour (We were having Tuscan cheese pasta that night, so it wasn't even a gross food.) We had to get a little more severe. So we started confiscating toys. First it was a bouncy ball, then spiderman, then his will to live... his Legos. Tears were shed, but I got over it quick. Lukas on the other hand held firm. Finally, bedtime was threatened. Lukas hates going to bed first, or alone for that matter. This kid doesn't eat or sleep, I don't get how he functions.

So I took him into his room to change his clothes to jammies. At this point he gave up. I was shocked, because he had actually took it to the point of being in bed before conceding. He came out, in jammies, sat on his stool, and allowed me to spoon feed him some pasta. He then exclaimed "I Like It!" Really? Seriously, it's cold pasta now. maybe he was just waiting for the right temperature. Maybe he doesn't like meals hot when they are supposed to be. In that case, he is going to love being a parent, because that happens all the time.

Lukas continued eating, of course I was spoon feeding him, and he kept chanting "I liked it, and so I tried it." a line from Yo-Gabba-Gabba's Broby. It's a little off but it works. He then began singing "There's a party in my tummy, so yummy, so yummy." Thank you DJ Lance for inspiring my kids to eat.

Movies with kids

I just got back from seeing "Man of Steel" sans kids. It was nice to be able to watch the movie without having to pass the popcorn, avoid eating Mollie's popcorn (she doesn't share) and all the other distractions. With that said, here is my advice to all other parents out there thinking about taking there kids to a grown up movie like Man of Steel. DON'T DO IT!

I'm not saying that Man of Steel has any questionable material that kids won't understand. Quite the opposite. There is no vulgarity, no sensuality (only one Kiss, sorry if I ruined the movie) and a whole bunch of good old fashioned good guy vs bad guy fun. It's a great movie, just don't bring your kids, right now. Here's why.

You will ruin the movie for other people. Right now I am in Arkansas for work and I am not sure why but everyone had their cell phones on during the movie. This one girl ahead of us had her phone in her cup holder and kept checking it the whole time. Three ringers went off, during the movie, I kept hearing that text beep all over the place, and a dude even took a picture of his kids during the movie.
And speaking of kids, again, if they can't sit still and quiet with asking minimal questions during a two hour time limit, take them to a show that other adults really don't care to see (like Space Monkeys or something like that).

Again in the theater, there were two girls who would not SHUT UP, around three or four. They kept laughing and talking and swishing their hair back and forth. This would normally be contained by parents, if they were sitting with them. Yep, the parents were sitting in another part of the auditorium and the usher spent about fifteen minutes trying to locate said parents to get them to shut their kids up.

Here's what we do, normally. We wait until the movie is a few months old, sometimes it's even in the dollar theater, sometimes its in the dollar store. Basically Kara and I don't watch movies that we want to watch with the kids. If we get to watch a movie, it's because Grandma has offered to watch the kids and we have snuck out before they have noticed. This basically never happened before we moved, because we would normally have to shell out cash to a babysitter, where at $3 a kid, that's $9 an hour for our babysitter. For dinner and a movie that's close to $40 for a babysitter. Are we overpaying? Probably. Is it worth it? Seriously, $40 for four hours of uninterrupted conversation with my wife? I'd pay that even if we weren't going to a movie. I'd pay that just to go in the other room and sleep for four hours uninterrupted.

On the seldom opportunity that we do bring the kids to a movie, here's how it usually goes down.

We arrive, purchase the tickets at a screaming deal because A: The movie is stupid and no one wants to see it so it's in the dollar theater, B: It's a matinee (we don't take our children out at night. If you've seen the movie Gremlins you understand, or C: It's a great movie and it came out three years ago.

This discount is then negated by the purchase of Candy. Seriously, you could individually wrap the pieces in dollar bills and it would be cheaper than what we pay. And of course popcorn. Popcorn generally runs a minimum of $5, which will get you a sno-cone sized bag. BUT, for $8 more, you can upgrade to a medium, and then it's only like .25 to get a Large, so we order that, and split it among the kids. Mollie of course gets her own bag, sits on my lap, and I am not allowed to have any of hers. If she  sees my hand going toward it, she slaps it away, waves her little grease covered finger at me and says "No no daddy."

If it's a semi-entertaining flick, the kids will sit through it alright, with Lukas needing to go Potty sometime during a crucial part (where like a Pony is about to find out where rainbows come from, something real important) so I miss that. I used to get annoyed at that, but then I found out tonight, oh yeah it happens to me too. During a crucial part in Man of Steel I could not hold it off any longer and I had to go. No drinks for me until I'm 80 and can tactfully wear depends to Movies. Until then, I'm stuck with missing out.

If the movie sucks (which means that Kara and I probably like it, but the kids hate it) the kids (Mollie) will start melting down mid-movie and one of us has to take said child out to run around, or to take a nap in the car. Why they can't nap during the movie is beyond me. I do it all the time during Yo Gabba Gabba. Kara missed half of BRAVE because of Mollie (and Me, because I didn't take her out and it was my turn).

Just avoid the whole situation. This applies to pretty much every activity out there. So be a good neighbor, and don't take your kids to anything where other people are also attending. Just stay inside.

Gummie Bears

My reasons for writing have changed in the last week. I used to write to remember these times fondly and to keep a detailed journal of our time spent. Now I do it mainly to vent. It's a good way to help me cope because whenever the children do something absolutely horrendous, instead of killing them, I just remind myself (this is going to make a hilarious blog post).

So with that in mind, the time out chair has been used an inordinately number of times today. Mollie has been in it twice, Lukas has been in it, and I would love to have a turn. 

We're dealing with some stupid crap about our rental house in Taylorsville as well. Our renter decided to run over all the sprinklers with the lawn mower (the ones that are above ground on the perimiter). So our property manager, after I asked him to get a quote for how much it is going to be, sent in someone to just fix it all, and now I have some landscaping company calling me with a $300 bill, for seven sprinkler heads.

There's that rant. The kids today for some strange reason have been driving me CRAZY! Maybe it's just the build up to Kara being done with the semester, or maybe they are just more insane today than normal. Here's what's happened.

Mollie: Need I say more. The other day Kara bought a JUMBO bag of gummie bears (from Costco I am assuming) and Lukas and his little friend wanted some. They were outside playing, so I got them each a little bowl of them and out they went. Soon Nikki was there with the neighborhood, and so they each got a handful (Still plenty to go around). Then of course, Mollie wanted some. So I got her a little cup of gummie bears and put them back on the counter. I needed to shower. As I am walking to the bathroom I catch Mollie on a stool with her fist in the gummie bear bag. I stop her, and move the gummie bears to a higher shelf. I turn on a show for her on the iPad and head off to shower. 

Leaving her alone was my first mistake. As soon as I am out of the shower I find the iPad abandoned, and Mollie with a makeshift ladder with her fist in the gummie bear bag. She sees me, panics, and begins shoving as many gummie bears as she can into her mouth. 

Nikki has been good.... Today.

Lukas had his little friend over, and basically turned our living room into a toy war zone, which was ok.  

Lunch time. One of our neighbors owed Kara some type of Costco debt so she offered to have Nikki over for Lunch. She even picked up a pizza for us. I offered to pay, but then she brought up the fact that she owed Kara "the costco debt". When I offered to pay, I think she said something like "forgetaboutit". These costco debts are serious.

Mollie during Lunch, I had to stop her several times from feeding her little doll pizza and milk.

Lukas actually ate some food. True it was only like 1/8 of a piece of pizza, but still, more than he usually eats.

The remains of Lunch. The kids together didn't even eat a whole piece. I on the other hand had about 4 pieces.

PS. After I wrote this Mollie got put into the time out chair again.