1. Mollie will stop screaming out random stuff in the middle of the night.
I used to be a light sleeper, now I would say I am just a light waker, meaning I am always just on the brink of not being awake. The above headline does nothing to help this. Each night Mollie has very vivid dreams and typically yells at the people in the (usually us) to do something. Between that and her inability to go to the bathroom without someone else in there to keep her company, I typically sleep in twenty minute intervals, and in the parking lot waiting to pick up the kids from pre-school.
2. My kids will suddenly not cost ANYTHING!
When Kara and I were first married our largest bill was our rent, which was $450 a month. We had that, and a car payment, plus food. Now that we have kids, that has been multiplied, many times over. In order to keep the kids in dance, pre-school, and waffles it ends up taking up a pretty penny. I'm not doing this for sympathy so please don't go out and set up a fund for us at Zion's Bank, or do, I won't complain. We make enough money and now that Kara is finally done with school (well, really close) we are going to be better. Let's just say that the little tax exemption we get for having kids is a small drop in the bucket compared to the kids GoGurt bill.
3. I will poop out all my fat!
It's a little far fetched, but hey, wouldn't you want that?
4. I will have that Barbie dream house thing where it cleans itself.
This is a wish for both Kara and I. Mollie watches this show called Barbie life in the dream house and to clean the house all they have to do is push a button and the whole floor flips over to reveal an identical side that is also clean. Yes, I would like that.
5. None of my kids will get sick, ever.
I have to admit, we have it pretty good in this department. There are no life threatening illnesses or deformities plaguing our children. But when kids get sick it is really not fun. Kara and I have worked out a pretty good system when the kids are sick. She goes out and buys every type of medicine she can find to calm the worrier in her, and I sit with said sick child and watch football. Yes I run the risk of catching whatever illness the child has, but when you compare how many times I get sick compared to Kara, it's the best bet.
Our old system did not work very well due to lack of communication and how we were raised when we were sick. Let's take vomiting for example. When I was a kid, we were given a bowl as an extra precaution if we couldn't get to the bathroom in time. Kara was given a bag. We combined the two.
What we didn't talk about before-hand was how we were going to handle a child who was in the midst of vomiting with neither bowl, bag nor bathroom handy.
My method- run with the child as fast as possible to nearest bathroom, bag or bowl whilst child throws up on floor on the way.
Kara's method- Turn said child in direction of husband so as to maximize coverage of vomit on husband. After belly has been emptied of all possible fluid, put child in bath.
Don't have sick kids, just don't.
6. I will have limitless amounts of energy to call upon
I feel guilty when my kids ask me day in and day out to play and I simply cannot make out what they are saying because I am swaying back and forth due to lack of sleep (see wish number 1). I think if each parent had this, all parenting problems would be solved. When I have enough sleep I can pretty much conquer anything, even a sick child pointed in my general direction. But when I am tired I sometimes don't want to play barbies, or Lego Indiana Jones, or even put on pants. Can someone please invent something that is not addictive and that doesn't give you cancer that can fix this problem?
